


Smoke + Mirrors

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Canon-Typical Violence, Coulson Lives, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Hydra (Marvel), Inhumans (Marvel), M/M, Marvel Universe, New Avengers, Nightmares, Polyamory, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), SHIELD, Secret Warriors - Freeform, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:05:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the destruction of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Avery Harris joins Coulson's team to help him rebuild the organization. Additionally Tony Stark offers her a position among the Avengers though she originally declined to stay with her team. Newly named Director Coulson sends her in as a liaison anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things We Lost In The Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and the actors that play the characters in the MCU **don't** exist in that universe well not to me anyway 'cause I'm pretty sure Cap would be confused if he watched Star Wars and saw Natalie Portman and Samuel L. Jackson. Or worse watch the the Stark Trek movies and go: Is that Thor???? OUAT would be torture for him too.

I had been with the new S.H.I.E.L.D. – Coulson’s S.H.I.E.L.D. for three months now. After eventually separating form Cap and Sam because Fury needed me to help my assigned team. As soon as Coulson started his rebuilding process I was supposed to be paired with Agent Morse for some undercover work which I promptly declined. Bobbi and I we didn’t mix. Stark had then extended an invitation for me to join them at the Avengers Tower since I was apparently out of a job and Steve had started to worry. Coulson thought it be a great idea if I let them turn me into some B-Level Avenger like him and in addition to that I could work as a liaison to his team. Didn't turn out so well. My job offer was basically being the executive assistant to Agent Hill. But Stark conveniently forgot to mention that.

I ended up with S.H.I.E.L.D. prior to New York after I joined the military followed by working as a mercenary. My mother had been a FBI Agent but she had disappeared on a mission. I later found out she was Hydra. I had lived with my aunt who was in the Army until I was eighteen then cut all ties after she ruined my chances to apply to the police academy.

I had been a low level Agent on the Helicarrier when I first met most of the Avengers. I had met the Widow and Hawkeye before obviously. They were who you wanted to be as an Agent – top choice.

Cap I already knew from my frequent visits to Fury’s cabin in the woods. Coulson had been my Supervising Officer, assigning me to watch his idol because he had no time to do so himself. It had been nice while it lasted.

Steve was cute and confused he’d ask me what he missed and I just laughed. “I’m not Wikipedia.” He shot me a confused look. “Ah, right you don’t know what that is.” He shook his head with a sad expression.

“Okay let’s get you updated on a few things. Come here.” I motioned him to sit beside me. Steve sat down reluctantly, trying not to invade my personal space. At that point he knew me for maybe a day or two. Opening my laptop and plugging in the cable I said. “That’s a computer, and that cable it gives us excess to the internet. It’s like a huge library that you can use whenever you got a connection. The internet contains basically everything we know to date. Some rubbish too but well nothings perfect. You can look up what you want. No matter what.” I clicked on the search bar and moved the laptop towards him allowing him to type himself. His fingers pressed down on the keys softly typing out a name. _James Buchanan Barnes._

Once Cap joined S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury made me part of his team well until South Africa. After that Rumlow had me removed for being a liability. That bastard turned out to be Hydra. I should have known. The Director moved me to serve as a HQ-contact to a mobile OPS of a handful of Agents under Coulson’s command. I was locked up in a small windowless room most of my days staring at screens and having conversations with myself.

If Rogers had not stumbled in one day looking for some other room on the missions control level I’d been alone forever. Apart from Sitwell and occasionally Fury nobody ever cared to pay me a visit but then again nobody was supposed to know about me and the room. Getting past the door required level 8 clearance or above even Sitwell and Blake need an extra passcode to get in. Cap was basically a glitch in the system. He should have been locked out just because I handled Coulson’s team and to him his biggest fan died before the battle.

Steve would come by whenever he had time to spare. In the beginning he’d often come to ask about things he’d missed. Pop culture mostly, he had grasped technology pretty quickly although it didn’t agree with him sometimes. Some day’s he came to vent about Rumlow and Rollins others he tried to get me to watch Star Wars with him or tell him about my life over coffee. When he was on mission I’d often chat with Skye since she got as bored as me sometimes.

The first time she’d seen him was during one of those conversations, Steve had just come back from some classified assignment still in his stealth suit. He went directly for the wall giving it a good punch. “Are you nuts? That’s the fourth time you punched that wall and I’m not counting that one time you threw your entire shield.” I yelled at him. Skye stayed uncharacteristically quiet during the encounter. “Sorry, rough day.” He muttered chucking his cowl in the corner followed by his shield. “The wall Steve! The wall!” I groaned when the edge of the shield created another dent.

“Ehm, Ava I think I should go Ward’s calling me.” Skye mumbled. I nodded ending the video call. “Who was she?” Steve asked sitting down on the empty chair next to me. “An asset to the team I work with.” He hummed in response. “Nat is trying to set me up with somebody again. I think she’s in missions control too. Forgot her name already. By the way I’m done with Star Wars would you check out Star Trek with me? Maybe Natasha will stop if she thinks we have something going on.” I huffed at him. “I thought we did isn’t that why Rumlow had me removed ‘cause Cap had a thing for me?” Steve chuckled lowly.

“Never had a thing for you not then anyway. I was so mad the mission blew up in our faces. First Op with the new S.T.R.I.K.E. team and it all goes to hell. You did almost get us killed tough.” As soon as he said that an alarm went off. Coulson was calling. “You gotta go Cap that’s classified intel I can’t even extend to you.”

“See you in the garage at say six?” He asked while he retrieved his things. That was one of the last conversations we had before his mission on the Lemurian Star and then all hell broke loose. I was at the Triskelion, working like any other day when Skye sent me a massage she had decoded. Hill brought me in on the mission with the Helicarriers. They used me as a decoy. I had blown my control room after retrieving all the sensitive data. Caused quite a bit of commotion.

 

“Hey, Cap.” I smiled brightly at Steve while tying the resisting agent up. “Who’s your new friend?” Hill pushed past the men to the control panels. “Sam.” She said while tipping. “Meet Agent Harris.” After Cap had his rousing speech to motivate loyal agents. Hill sent us off to save humanity. And honestly I wouldn’t have said no to some more Avengers firepower they could have at least got Barton to help. But no. “Ava, you stay grounded I need you to make sure nobody gets up there.” I was running next to Rogers and Sam with a hardened expression on my face.

“Are you serious? Is this because of Johannesburg? It’s been over a year. If your buddy kills me it’s on you.” I yelled separating from the two. Sure enough the Winter Soldier made an appearance minutes after Cap had neutralized the first Helicarrier. Promptly picking a fight with the entire flight deck. I shoved a tower of crates at him to get his attention. He went straight for his knife lunching himself at me. “Son of a…” I yelled. When we crashed into another tower of boxes.

“Bucky.” I punched his jaw. He seemed unfazed maybe he need a Captain America style punch to the head. His metal fist dug into the asphalt next to me, I used his momentary confusion to knee him in the gut. I drew my own knife as I got up. “Fine I get you don’t remember Steve but me? You kidnapped me of a military base, Barnes. My mother set you up to do it. You killed her to keep me safe and then they wiped you.”

I could see nothing of Bucky in the raging man in front of me as he stormed at me. He sliced me up pretty good before knocking me to the ground. I stayed down. I had too many cuts to efficiently fight him. My promise to Cap not to hurt Bucky too much clouded my ability to fight. “He’s on his way up, Captain. I held him of for as long as I could.”

“Are you okay?” Steve asked worriedly. I groaned crawling over the asphalt. “Not really but don’t worry about me.” I had made it to the edge just in time to hear Steve say to blow the carrier now. I yelled at him through my earpiece but I never heard back – he had taken it out. And then he fell. I made the most irrational decision I could have and jumped in after him. After almost drowning myself I reached the shore crawling over to where Bucky had left his body. “You idiot you can’t die on me now! Stay with me Cap!” I cradled his head in my lap after making sure he wasn’t in any immediate danger of dying. A search party found us awhile later.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I was asleep when Steve woke up. Sam and I had taken turns staying next to him in case he woke. “Hey Agent. Boss’ up.” Sam whisper yelled throwing something at me. Steve smiled at my groggy expression and messed up hair or maybe the bandages that made me look like a mummy. “He got you good.” I nodded examining the bandages. “About what you said to Buck.” Steve continued.

“I tell you the full thing later okay. I just thought it might trigger his memory but I think you did a better job he saved you.” Cap nodded turning to Sam. “You’re gonna be released in two days. You can go look for him then.” His new friend answered his unasked question. I left the hospital an hour later to shower and change. The door to my tiny apartment was open and there was blood on the door frame. I pulled my gun from the back of my jeans. A dark figure slumped on my bathroom floor. I could clearly see the glint of the metal arm. “Bucky what are you doing here?” He looked up briefly. “Pierce gave me your address in case they needed you quiet.”

“In case they needed me quiet or in case they needed my help to kill Rogers?” I asked sinking down next to him examining some of his wounds. “Both, he thought you were loyal to Hydra but I slowly remember. What you said about me killing your mother. You asked me to kill her for you in exchange you’d stay with me, keep them from wiping me.” I nodded dabbing some antiseptic on his forehead. “I need to leave don’t I?” Bucky asked.

“No, you don’t. When they didn’t need you they’d freeze you, you missed entire decades. Kinda like Steve. I’ll take you to the Smithsonian you can learn about yourself there and Steve ‘cause it’s his exhibition but you get what I mean.” He touched my cheek softly. “Avery.” I pulled away. “You’re my friend, Bucky, but nothing more you know that.” He sighed dropping his hand. “I could have been if I’d gotten out too.”

I shook my head. The one time we kissed I felt nothing, maybe because I knew he’d forget sooner or later. “We could try, Ava.” I looked away. “No, I don't know. I have somebody he’s a maybe but I like him.” Bucky leaned his head against the wall. “Who is he? Do I know him?” I remained silent cleaning his wounds some of which I had inflicted. “Yeah, you do. He used to be my boss.” His closed eyes shot open. “Pierce?!” A found smile found its was on my face. “No, god Bucky. I’m talking about Rogers.”

“Oh. Steve? Have you seen him you know back in the day?” I nodded. “I was partially in charge of getting him used to this time. So yes, I’ve read his file which contains pictures. He was cute.” Bucky snorted. “Another girl that likes the shield.” I shoved him lightly. “You should get that.” Bucky continued referring to my my phone. Natasha told me about Fury’s “funeral” in three days then hung up quickly.

Bucky left in the middle of the night. The only traces that he'd been here at all were the blood and the note on my nightstand.  _I need time._

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Sam, Steve and I stood in front of Fury’s grave stone he had just left giving me the option to join him which I declined. Nat had left too, rebuilding her cover. “You don’t have to come with me guys.” I gave Steve a wicked smile. “I’ll stay anyway.” I answered. “Just need to drop something off once the opportunity arises.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Here I was three years into the job scanning my lanyard given to me by Agent Koenig. He was really strict about those if you didn’t pay attention where you put it he might as well have thrown you in the dungeon with Ward. Had he been in charge that is. The screen displayed Agent Avery Jade Harris excess granted. I walked up to Skye’s control room. “Anything new on that writing?” I asked. She shook her head. “How was your mission?” Before I could answer Trip walked in. “It was good thank you.” I shook my head at them.

“I'm still the Avengers IT assistant so there was none.” I answered retying my ponytail. “Do they suspect anything?” May asked. “No, they don’t suspect that Coulson’s alive or that he’s the new boss. I did tell them about S.H.I.E.L.D. rebuilding though. I felt like it’d be a good idea.” They nodded slowly. “Heard you guys stole a military jet? Fitz hasn’t gotten better has he?” Skye looked up from her tablet then back to the screen. “No, if all he’s gotten worse since Simmons left but Mack’s helping him.” I rose an eyebrow. Mack wasn’t one of my favorite people mostly ‘cause he got along great with Morse but if he helped Fitz get better I was all for it.

“I should go see Coulson before I have to head back to New York. I still owe Rogers a story.” I wandered up the stairs to his office knocking softly. The Playground was much smaller than the former HQ but it was the new Triskelion none the less. The director wasn’t necessarily happy about my report. “They should take you on bigger missions soon Captain Rogers will make sure of that.” I smiled at him. “Steve is in charge you know. Not Stark, he’s the money but not the boss. The reason I’m on no missions is because of Steve. He likes the idea of me looking for the Winter Soldier 24/7.“

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intend. I do not claim to own any Marvel characters or story-lines.  
> And by the way **DON'T** use this to embaress people, I'm talking to you entertainment industry.


	2. The Unknown

It was the late evening once I finally entered the shared living space in the tower. Cap immediately pounced on me about the story I had promised him three months ago. We hadn’t seen each other long. I had left early on, because Coulson needed me and then I stayed with them until Stark called almost a month ago. I had said no immediately because I was on a mission and I had a job. A week later Coulson persuaded me to join the Avengers as a liaison.

Steve had since kept me on IT assignments with Hill and Winter-Soldier-Watch. If I wasn’t Hill's PA I took frequent trips to the Playground or enjoined some fun with the other S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents. I kept busy to avoid him. “You owe me a story.” I tucked my black hair behind my ear and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’d rather go toe to toe with J.A.R.V.I.S. on a round of Trivial Pursuit than tell you that part of my pre-S.H.I.E.L.D. life story.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “You’d lose and you promised.” I plopped down next to him resting my head on his shoulder. A low sigh escaped my lips. “Just promise me you won’t be mad, okay.” Steve nodded lightly. “Okay, I’ve told you about my aunt right?” He nodded again. “I wanted to join the LAPD after school and then move on to which ever Agency would take me. Well her sister used to be FBI. She went missing."

I took a deep breath.

"Her, my mom, she was part of the Winter Soldier Program. I didn’t know that when I joined the military. I was nineteen mad at my aunt for sabotaging yet another of my attempts to get into an Agency. She told me to choose family or solitude. You know which choice I made.” He smiled briefly because I had found a family after all – one that cared.

➵ ➵ ➵ 2008 ➵ ➵ ➵

They sent me to a new base in Arizona I had only been there for a week. When some maniac with a metal arm marched in stabbed a syringe in my neck and dragged me out. Nobody saw a thing. Didn’t even look for me. They were probably told I was transferred to a new unit or something. I woke up somewhere in Canada.

Don’t ask me how I knew it was Canada. We were locked up in a cell it was cold and dark. The Winter Soldier and I spent days in there. They brought us food but left us in the cold. He scared me. At night he me offered to sleep next to him share warmth. That took the edge off of my fear at least a little bit I was still scared he might kill me. I had seen the cracks in the wall that metal fist had created. They took him away for a few days. When he came back he was different like he started to have doubts about what he was doing. He hadn’t spoken much before and I didn’t dare talk to him. After I mustered all my courage I asked him who he was.

“ _I don’t know.”_

My mother, Sylvia, walked in and took me with her. After what you could hardly call a conversation with him. She took me down some winding confusing corridors into a large specious office.Sylvia explained herself telling me about the project. What they did to the Winter Soldier. She showed me Russian files among others. Pictures of Sergeant Barnes with Captain America and the rest of the Howling Commandos. I didn’t connect the dots until Coulson dumped boxes full of SSR files on my desk years later.

The file on top spilled its contents and there he was again. The man I tried so hard to forget. I almost had myself convinced he wasn’t real. That I had made him up like an imaginary friend. The people Sylvia worked for wanted me to join her take over when it was time.

They were Hydra but I only found out about that a couple months ago. I declined. At the time she had been missing for more than ten years. I had never viewed her as a mother but at that point I had had a tough time even recognizing her. They locked me back up with Bucky and we started to talk. He told me about a KGB scientist and engineer that used to experiment on him, upgrade his arm. Luka Belinovski. He died during a rescue mission in 1996. S.H.I.E.L.D. suspected him in cases of human experiments. He took over after Zola transferred his brain onto the servers. My family used to be the Hydra top dogs from World War II till recent times.

I told Bucky about her. I even asked him to kill her. In exchange I promised to stay and help him remember. He offered to protect me instead. He started to remember so I assume he didn’t want to celebrate that with a homicide.

The next day we were taken to a different room and they made me watch the process. Beating me if I tried to look away. After all they believed it was my fault ‘cause I encouraged him to tell me about his life. About his best friend – Captain America. For the next few weeks everything worked okay I was trained by them and sent with him as a nanny.

They didn’t wipe him for the entire time. We still shared that cell and he still told me about his life when he remembered something new. I kept my promise and made sure nobody found out but one night he kissed me. I felt nothing. Maybe I felt something but I don't really remember anything other than that I was scared.

I knew he might get brain washed again. I’m still not sure if emotions were something he had a hard time grasping. The following day my mother came back she had a gun. Bucky was supposed to kill me but he shot her instead.

They wiped him and probably froze him until Pierce tried to have Fury killed. They took me to a mercenary group in Europe. A little over two years later Coulson had sent Nat and Clint on a mission to wipe them out. He recruited me right of the bet. A year later I was back to babysitting a super-soldier.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

He sighed loudly. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Because they told me they’d kill Bucky and me if I told anybody. Hell, I wasn't even sure if he was still alive. What did you expect me to do? Run up to you the moment I saw you and tell you some evil organization is holding your best friend prisoner since the 1940’s. And what other than he might be still alive could I have told you? After we raided some of the bases we could fill in a lot of the blanks but before? Impossible.”

Steve nodded. “Exactly. You were nervous enough when they told you, you had to stay with me and my boxes of files at a remote location called the Retreat which sounded nicer than it was. Especially that nasty fence. Though it was amusing to see you try and run away.” Steve’s face briefly twisted into a pained expression. “Now, did you find Bucky?” He shook his head slowly. “I just want him back.” Steve’s eyes were sad pools of blue.

I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “I’m jealous.” He admitted slowly leaning his forehead onto my neck. “Why?” He shook his head standing up, leaving me to figure out what he meant.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I sat opposite Nat for an hour just staring at the wall before she spoke. “You and Steve would be cute.” I quirked an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?” She set her black boots down on Tony's pristine glass table. “You heard me Avery. And before you’ll ask yeah I’ll stay.” I smiled. “I found Bucky briefly. By the way could you get Steve, please. He’s probably pacing around in Tony's lab worrying.”

Steve was indeed pacing around seeming relieved that Nat finally wanted to see him. After a while I got bored with staring at the wall of the lab. “J.A.R.V.I.S.”

“Yes, Agent Harris.” The AI quickly answered. I smiled. “Tell me what they are talking about.” The AI flat out refused to answer with a polite Agent at the end. My smile quickly disappeared. What if Natasha still tried to set up Cap and Sharon. In that exact moment Clint walked down the hall glancing around the living room before he spotted me behind the glass door.

“Eavesdropping on Cap and Nat are we?” He asked. “I know you’re not surprised. Where did you leave your bird friend?” Clint chuckled before scratching the back of his head. “Couldn’t find him probably flying a couple rounds around the tower like usual. I think Tony and Rhodey went out to join him.”

“Adults these day.” I laughed. Barton shook his head at me. “Last time I checked twenty-five was old enough to be an adult.” I gave him a no kidding kind of look.

“So how are you doing?” I asked walking with him. “Pretty good, you?” I shrugged. “Busy, my boss is working in the shadows and this Avengers thing here kinda cloak-and-dagger too. Have you seen Nat yet?” Clint nodded. “Came back right around the same time as me. Told Steve about that Hydra run in of yours?”

“Yep, I informed him I was unknowingly a trained Hydra mercenary before you and Nat found me.” The archer burst out laughing. “But hey you were so loyal you helped Cap sabotage their grand plan for world domination.” I started laughing myself following him out of the lab. Most of the Avengers were assembled in the lounge area adjacent to the lab. Tony, Sam and Rhodey argued about who did cooler flight maneuvers around the tower while Natasha had an animated conversation with Bruce. Hill and Pepper stood by the window probably talking as well.

J.A.R.V.I.S. kept saying “Sir, Mr. Hogan is on the line.” Thor sat on one of the many couches eating ice cream and staring at the wall. He was still heartbroken about Jane being on yet another science convention. I’d probably never get over the fact that Agent 13 is still trying to get Steve to go out with her again. Yep, I also don’t like her that much I mean I didn’t just dislike people because they well annoy me. I do actually. But Sharon she disliked me since we first met no idea why.

Okay, fine maybe she would have liked to baby sit Capsicle from the start but, never mind. It was probably the Hydra thing but nobody's perfect. Anyway one date was enough, he didn’t like it that’s a plus.

“Earth to Ava. You’ve been starring at Thor for like three minutes. I got worried you might have abandoned Cap for a sec.” Clint stated waving his hand in front of my face. “Ah, right.” I muttered moving to a sofa relatively far from everybody hoping nobody would bother me for a while.

I wanted to warp myself in the moment Steve came back from his date.

He had asked if I was too busy to come meet him since he was in Washington for a date with Sharon. Steve hadn’t liked the idea of going out with her but apparently she was persistent. Additionally Sam kept telling him he should go out with a girl.

That date had turned out to be an epic fail at least to him. She still called and now I always had to answer the phone and lie to her. Which was wonderful ‘cause she hated my guts by now. I watched the others from my secluded spot or stared out the window. “Whatcha thinking about?” Steve asked. “Nothing.” He sat down extending his arm behind me.

I could feel a headache coming and honestly I wasn't in the mood for Steve's mixed signal or constant sadness when he came back from not finding Bucky. “Can I help you? Or should I vacate so you can mope in solitude.” Clint on the other couch started laughing, Natasha joining in. Cap’s reaction was priceless. He looked like somebody had just plastered his nudes all over the tower which given the opportunity Clint and Nat would probably do.

Even Hill gave a small smile but Steve jumped up and ran out. I looked after him knowing he’d probably go to the gym ruining another ten punching bags. I got up with a sigh following Sam who was already marching after him. This day was great. Freaking fantastic. It couldn't top New York but... Uh I had to think about that now didn't I?

➵ ➵ ➵ 2012 ➵ ➵ ➵

They day Coulson told me I’d be allowed to join him on the Helicarrier I was over the moon. The circumstances not so great but I had just reached level 5. Fury had sent to collect the Avengers, the team had looked slightly different at the time. Thor hadn’t been considered he kinda invited himself, Hawkeye was controlled by Loki and Stark didn’t feel like joining at first after having been viewed as unfit by Nat.

To a certain extent I understood Loki. After Nat had found out why he allowed them to capture him. I went to see him. Cap caught me leaving. God was he mad. Loki had been pacing in the glass container – waiting. I snuck up to him and just stared for a while he was the second alien I had seen today so I was pretty fascinated.

“Do you like what you see, mortal.” He asked with a cruel smirk. “Not particularly. You don’t hide your pain well.” Loki gave me a surprised look. “It’s pretty obvious what you’re doing. You grew up in your brother’s shadow so now you want him dead. You made that clear with that Destroyer stunt. Secondly you feel betrayed and unloved by your father or not father however you wanna call him.”

The god gave me a pointed look. “And you wanna prove yourself as the greater ruler, a true king by conquering this world. You seek approval and validation from Odin maybe the whole of Asgard. That’s why you’re doing this Loki. Because you got lost and nobody cared to keep you on track. Thor tried but you felt it was too late you were too far gone now look what it got you.”

"Careful girl. You don’t know me so don’t pretend you do or I will take everything you hold dear.” He made that threat partially true. He killed my SO. Stabbed him right through the heart. Coulson was like a father to me and Loki just took him like it was nothing. Had anything happened to Nat or Cap I’d taken my chances with the God of Mischief myself.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“I’m gonna try talking to Steve if you don’t mind waiting that is.” Sam said. I didn’t really mind. Although I didn’t want to be alone either. I contemplated calling Skye. My thumb was hovering over her number but a loud crash in the gym distracted me.


	3. Kiss Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gets a little mature towards the end.

“Are you serious?!” I yelled at Steve. His bandages were bloody, already. “What the hell are you doing? Would you please elaborate.” I crossed my arms over my chest waiting on an answer. “Training?” He asked blushing lightly as he looked between Sam and the punching bag lying on the floor. “Whatever, don’t break the tower.” I muttered turning around.

It had gotten late and I was spent. I slowly made my way to my room on Nat’s floor. Stark still refused to give me my own he said if I wanted my own place I’d have to move out but Natasha offered so I didn’t have to live with Steve or Clint who occasionally shared with Sam.

I basically had the floor to myself most days anyway. Bruce and Nat would spend nights talking and falling asleep on a random sofa. After brushing my teeth and changing I crawled into bed falling asleep almost immediately. Eight hours of sleep later I sat in the shared kitchen picking at my fruit salad. Steve stole a strawberry walking by which earned him a stab with my fork.

“You need a new name everything but Evergreen.” Tony stated sipping his coffee. I rolled my eyes at him. “It was Hilary Clinton’s, I had to pick in a pinch. And if you choose I’ll be sidekick number two.” Clint watched us over the top of his cereal bowl. While Cap busied himself checking the fridge for milk.

Apparently nobody wanted to comment on my code name choice especially not Steve since he made me chose Evergreen in the first place. “It sucks you can’t be Avenger with that kind of a name.” Tony continued. “I feel like an idiot every time I think about saying 'Evergreen do you copy'.” I took a long drink of my tea before I spoke. “Do you want points for stealing your name from the press? And I'm not an Avenger.” Steve laughed next to the fridge. “Spangles don’t laugh so did you. Legolas some input maybe.”

“You guys gotta stop the name calling.” I muttered tracing the moon tattoo on my wrist. “What about something mythological.” Steve asked setting the cereal box down next to me. “You still got that tattoo?” Clint asked shoving another spoon full of cornflakes in his mouth mumbling lightly. “Your old S.H.I.E.L.D. mission uniform you refuse to give up’s black so J.A.R.V.I.S. give us a name.” Stark finished the conversation. “Lilith, Sir.” Cap frowned. “No, add goddess to the list.” My eyebrows rose as soon as he wanted to add that.

“Hecate or Selene, Captain.” Barton shook his head in sync with me. “Try, night goddess. I think she has a moon symbol.” He ordered the AI. J.A.R.V.I.S. took his sweet time analyzing. “Yes, Agent. Nyx has a moon symbol.” I smiled I liked how they worked their way to a new name for me and I liked the name Nyx. It sounded pretty but mysterious and powerful. Steve seemed pleased with his friend’s idea and even Tony nodded probably trying it out in his head. “Now,” Tony started. “You just gotta give up that mission gear of yours.”

“I’ll give it up if you design me a better top than my leather jacket it got a bit beat up during that last S.H.I.E.L.D. mission I went on.” Stark smirked triumphantly. “Will be delivered to your room by noon.” Whit that he left. I sighed getting up myself I need to fight something maybe a punching bag.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

My knuckles were split from throwing hard blows to the punching bag, earlier. I could feel eyes on me for quite a while now but I kept spinning the knife between my fingers when I finally threw it, it hit the wall. “You’re doing it wrong.” Steve said behind me I could feel his warm breath on my skin. He smiled at me when I turned around. “Your staring distracted me and you’re one to talk. I seem to remember I beat you at that several times.” I half expected him to use the 'I haven’t practiced in almost seventy years' line but he didn’t. He was dripping wet and a brief look out the window told me why.

Rain poured down on the city. Steve peeled of his shirt on the way to the showers. Dropping it on the floor. “Steve, why are you here?” He turned around leaning against the door frame. When it came to me he had never been shy about his body. Not after the first few times I had cleaned his cuts, sewed his bullet wounds shut and bandaged his hands or ribs. That’s what I did most often sewing Captain Reckless back together. “Sam’s in my bathroom getting ready for a date. Clint pranked him and locked his room so I had to vacate.” I nodded moving closer to him. “What are you thinking about?” Instead of an answer I extended my hand tracing the faded scar on his shoulder. It reached from the base of his neck to the back of his arm with a jagged turn on his collarbone.

He had gotten it from a Spanish inventor who had lost his hands in accident, gone crazy and had them replaced with bionic hands with some gadgets even Stark wouldn’t think about. The scars from the nails were on his back, four white dots above his shoulder blade. Since that day I had respect for nail guns they were lethal when used creatively.

➵ ➵ ➵ 2013 ➵➵➵

Agent Taylor had been lying on the floor of the Quinjet pumped full of most the anesthetic. I had gotten the rest for my bullet wound. Another Agent had been knocked out leaning in a corner. The pilot flinched every time Cap yelped causing the jet to jolt. Steve had me in an iron grip to keep me from slipping of his lap while I patched him up. I was halfway done with the cut when he couldn’t take it anymore and started to press his mouth against my shoulder next to the wound Taylor had hastily bandaged. I told him to bite down if he needed to needless to say I had a more bruises inflicted by Cap than from the actual mission for a while.

This caused Rumlow to constantly make jokes about Steve being rough in bed and eventually resulting in my removal from the team. He was defeated after I pulled out the nails. Steve had rolled up in a ball in the corner pressing me to his chest and mumbling he was sorry over and over again. Fury had yelled and cussed about our inability to come back from the mission unharmed. Labeled us reckless fucking idiots and stormed off.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“Ah not the most pleasant memory.” Steve whispered pressing two of his fingers against my bullet scar. “No. You should shower or you’ll catch a cold.”

He laughed shoving me in the direction of the cubicles. After a long hot shower I stepped back out into the gym finding Steve waiting on me. I knew he had been the one to throw the towel over the top of the stall so I didn’t have to get out and dash for it. I tried shoving my hands in the back pockets of my black jeans but decided it hurt too much. “Here let me take care of that.” He was blushing as he took my hands sitting me down next to him. Steve applied some antiseptic to my knuckles. I let out a low hiss once it made contact with the wounds. “All better.” He mumbled tidying the new bandages.

“Thanks.” I whispered. Steve was so close I could make out the different shades of blue in his eyes and the light stubble on his chin. The way his long lashes fluttered against his cheeks when he blinked then his eyes closed and he leaned in. He pulled away quickly. Touching his lower lip with two finger. “Sorry.” I kissed him again making sure to deepen it. His hands rested on my back stiffly before I started to bury my fingers in his hair. Steve lifted me onto his lap so I was straddling his thighs. One of his cold hands made their way under my tank top while the other gripped the back of my neck keeping me close.

He broke the kiss panting against my neck. “Should have done that sooner. I missed the feeling since Rio.” I barely got out an unintelligible “Mhm.” Before he pulled me back into a heated kiss. Steve’s right hand slid down my back until it reached my butt, he squeezed lightly. Causing me to gasp, he immediately took the opportunity to shove his tongue into my mouth. At this point it was all just tongue and teeth. His hands were everywhere at once touching, grabbing and squeezing what he could reach. I broke the kiss to move to his neck pressing my lips on his tender skin. “Yours,” He pressed a kiss to my collarbone. “Or mine.” Steve stood up, my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. “Yours, Nat…” He swiftly cut me off. It seemed as if he had gotten comfortable with the situation as his kisses turned more passionate and rougher too. My lips already felt sensitive and bruised.

The elevator ride was quick since his apartment was two floors above the gym. Steve lifted us from the elevator wall at the ding stumbling into his living space knocking the lamp next to the elevator down. “J.A.R.V.I.S. put my room on lockdown I don’t want any guests.” We tumbled through his bedroom door the moment the AI answered. “Yes, Captain.” Steve threw me down on his bed causing me to bounce lightly. He pulled off his shirt and aimlessly chucked it away. I followed suit, sliding up the bed before he hovered above me.

“You’ve done this before.” I mumbled in between kisses. “It's been a while since the USO tour but yeah.” He smiled sheepishly. I started to suck on his jaw causing him to groan. He flipped us over so I was straddling his waist. “And there I thought Rumlow was right.” I laughed starting to slowly grind on him. “Maybe I’m just lazy.” Steve gripped my hips forcing me to go faster. I dragged my nails down his chest feeling his abs tighten under them. “I want you so bad, baby”

“Well this is awkward but now is not the time to hook up.” Tony said over the intercom. Great now everybody in the tower knew. “Fuck. I'm hard as a rock and were supposed to be in missions’ control.”

 


	4. Always Attract

“Just think of something unappealing like Loki naked or anything really.” Steve rose an eyebrow at me. “You’re saying that as if it was that easy to forget that I almost got laid and by somebody I knew likes me as a person not for being Captain America.” I threw his t-shirt at him. “Admit it you took advantage of those dames that were all over you back in day. Must have been a good story to tell your future husband. ‘Oh, honey that one time I laid Captain America on his promotion tour. He was sooo huge and muscly and just ugh not like you at all.’ Lucky ladies.”

“Can’t say I remember them those experiences totally paled in comparison to what just almost happened. But this doesn’t solve my problem.” He smiled kissing my cheek. “You either put that damn shirt on or we’ll stay.” I mumbled trailing my fingers over his bulge. The intercom cracked to life again. “We can still hear you guys.” Tony announced dryly. To say I was uncomfortable on the way to the lab was an understatement. Once we were there Tony spun around in his chair rolling towards us.

“Didn’t think you were that eager Spangles. I streamed your little escapade to the lounge room don’t worry only three people saw it just the right ones. Here look.” Stark swiped his finger across his screen holding up the tablet. Clint, Natasha and Sam were assembled in the living room staring at the screen.

“Aw, man that poor lamp.” Clint mumbled.

“Uh, get it Cap.” Sam hollered into his fist once Steve took off his shirt.

“Sure letting her do all the work. Typical.” Nat grumbled.

Once Tony’s voice flowed through the intercom Clint muttered. “I did not see that coming.” I was pretty sure nobody did. “I though Sam was on a date?!” I ogled Steve angrily while handing Tony his tablet back. “So on to the mission for you and Cap. Find the hidden security camera he did not disable.” He dismissed us with a loud laugh. Rolling back to his work bench to tinker some more. “You know thanks for like hiding my…” I giggled at his awkwardness.

“You’re totally fine with swearing all over the place on missions but you can’t say erection?” He backed me into the elevator wall squeezing my butt roughly before kissing me again. “Dear god, I saw nothing.” Bruce mumbled as he got in on the next floor. “Good, that means you can’t tell my overprotective adopted dad what you didn’t see. ‘Cause he’d be…” I barely managed to bite my tongue before I gave a way Coulson identity.

“Ah, disappointed that you kiss men older than him?” Bruce offered. A smile ghosted over my face before I nodded. It wasn’t that Coulson would have been disappointed. Hell he didn’t even make a comment about Skye and Ward. He’d be confused maybe? No, ecstatic probably. The though made me miss him. Steve preceded to get ready to get off while I hesitated. “Hey I gotta check in with HQ. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”

“You literally came back less than twelve hours ago.” He grumbled. I got on my tip toes pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek. “You guys get a room.” Tony snarked over the intercom. “Stark you’re a fucking stalker! Go build a new suit and don’t terrorize the tower or I’ll murder J.A.R.V.I.S. then you’re helpless!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” I just smiled as an idea much better than having his precious AI crash came to mind. “I promise I just need to ask Skye something and I’ll be right there with you.” Steve reluctantly exited the elevator leaving me and Bruce alone. “What’s your grand plan?” He asked once we reached Natasha’s and my floor. “You’ll see soon enough.” I closed the door behind me quickly checking if the cameras were on a steady loop of nothing. Once I was sure Tony couldn’t stalk me I ripped the cover of the control panel off.

Hidden in the mess of cables was a keypad. I punched in the combination. “S.H.I.E.L.D. overwrite complete. Lockdown activated.” A slightly distorted J.A.R.V.I.S. announced. After a little rummaging I found the secure line and plugged it into my tablet. “Here we go. Let’s call Skye.”

I mumbled to myself while tapping around on my tablet. “Hey, Ava.” Skye waved smiling. “Are you busy? ‘Cause I was wondering if you still had that program we wrote on the mission in Egypt.” She typed away at the screen.“No, do you mean that one?” She asked throwing it on the screen. I nodded. “But we had no way to implement it on the doors here so why do you… Oh, you wanna upload it to the tower.”

“Yeah, I want to sneak it into J.A.R.V.I.S.’ system like the S.H.I.E.L.D. overwrite. Do you think Stark would ever find it if we hide it in a similar way?” She shook her head. “Not if we have it excess all Rising Tide servers and if it comes from some random coffee shop in DC. But we should run it over some of his minions IP-Addresses and some others too just for fun.”

Skye was in her element, smiling brightly as she plotted the idea. “What are you up to?” Hunter asked in the background. “Nothing that concerns you. Except if you want to help pick some songs for the Avengers and consorts.” I answered.

“Wouldn’t that involve you Avery?” He asked in his thick British accent. Skye nodded. “Uh, have you done any yet?” I nodded throwing a file on the screen. “Romanoff has to have Black Widow for sure and the Hulk should have Radioactive.” Hunter added. “What if it makes him mad and he tears the tower up?” I worried. Skye sent Hunter out and said she’d get Trip he’d be more fun to do that with. Half an hour later we had a full list of songs.

 

 _Stark:_ _[ Shoot To Thrill ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRQnJyP77tY&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp&index=1) _ _– AC/DC_

 _Rogers:_ _[ Star Spangled Man ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uTh4VE30fw&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp&index=2) _ _~~If we can convert it~~ _

_Barton:[The ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ayf6zjQK074) _ [ _Spanish Archer_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ayf6zjQK074) _– Deep Purple_

 _Banner:_ _~~The Elements Song~~ _ _[ Radioactive ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U8C_XuE7wc&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp&index=9) _ _– Imagine Dragons_

 _Romanoff:_ _[ Black Widow ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4iwmbZty6o&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp&index=5) _ _– Iggy Azelea ft. Rita Ora_

 _Thor:_ _[ Can’t Touch This ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5X5zh00rdg) _ _– MC Hammer_

 _Wilson:_ _[ I’m Like A Bird ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roPQ_M3yJTA&index=6&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp) _ _– Nelly Furtado_

 _Rhodes:_ _[War ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpVR_n-RU00&index=7&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp) [Machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpVR_n-RU00&index=7&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp) _ _– Kiss_

 _Hill:_ _[ The Imperial March ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wvpdBnfiZo&list=PLN-sWGBaK6zt7BKChN1f5SRvfPZEmZWjp&index=4) _ _– Star Wars_

 

“We need one for me too or they’ll know.”

“How about [_What The Hell_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQmEd_UeeIk) by Avril Lavigne for all I know that song is your life motto. But they'll know anyway.” Trip suggested giving me a huge smile. I nodded. “Okay I finished the code every snippet is hooked to a series of photos of the person pretty much every angle so Pepper doesn’t get Natasha's song or something that be messy.” Skye laughed. “Steve will be mad if he finds out. I’ll upload it now.” We said our goodbyes and I made my way to Caps floor.

He was lying face down on his bed. Starring at the wall. “You took an hour for a short ‘I just need to ask Skye something’ call. The camera is over there.” He said angrily. I picked the small camera out of the flower pot and disabled it quickly. “All done now Tony can’t watch you sleep anymore.” I tried kissing his cheek but he turned away. “I’m gonna go and watch some football or something.”

“Steve…” My outstretched hand fell back on his bed. Great, now he was mad at me. In a way I was glad I didn’t know him when Bucky died. I wouldn’t have known how to handle him. I barely caught the elevator door before Steve left. He gave me an angry look, the one he used to give Agents that tried keeping him from doing something reckless and stupid. Mostly me and Agent Taylor. We didn’t talk until my phone beeped with a message from Skye. It only contained an icon. ❋ ‘ _Sorry must have butt texted_ ’ followed swiftly.

“You and Skye a thing now?” Steve asked casually leaning against the elevator wall. I gave him a crooked smile. “Jealous Captain?” He shook his head. “What are we?” He trailed off maybe hoping I’d answer it for him. “I know you like me but how much of it is just physical? Is it even that? I mean working with you was, is, heaven ‘cause you give your all but we ended up almost kissing half the time. I mean Rio was wild.” He smiled blushing lightly.

“Trying to count how often I wanted to hook up with you after landing a good punch is impossible and probably totally and utterly wrong. Whenever you sewed me back up I wanted to thank you differently than just with words but…”

“You can’t because you want the physical stuff but not the emotions. You’re scared to feel anything ‘cause of Peggy, you loved her and then you lost her. You and Bucky got a second chance but you can never have your first love back. I get it I’m not her I’ll never be The Peggy Carter but I’d risk regretting that I loved you for the rest of my life. You still love her even years later. She’s the person you wanted to marry and before you can’t let go of that you can’t be with somebody else.” I left him standing outside of the elevator dumbfounded. Steve didn’t come after me and I knew I was right. Maybe he knew too.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Sam and Nat were lying on the couches talking. Sam looked up when I sat down. “What happened to you and Cap?” I wrapped my arms around my knees resting my head on them. Nat gave me one look and I knew she understood. “She told him he still loves Peggy so now he has to figure himself out.”

“Now, why would you think that?” I chucked a pillow at Sam. “Because…” I was rudely interrupted upon Tony’s entrance. “What is this and what was that?!” He questioned holding up a gun and gesturing at the elevator simultaneously. “Uh, an I.C.E.R. Fitz made it and I’d say _Shoot To Thrill_ by AC/DC.”

“I can hear that. I just… How does it work? I don’t wanna kill people by accident.”

“One bullet causes instant paralyzes more than two might kill everybody that’s not on super-soldier steroids. It’s some neurotoxin Simmons cooked up. You can have it. The Director can issue me a new one once I resume my job at S.H.I.E.L.D. oh by the way I resign.”

“You what?!” Natasha asked. _Star Spangled Man_ blared through the lounge room. “Who’s doing what?” Steve asked balancing a bowl of snacks on his hand. I sighed loudly. “I’m leaving the Avengers. I can’t do this saving the world gig right now I need time.” After a tremendous argument and a meeting with all the Avengers I was finally allowed to leave the tower but only if I took one of Stark’s newest creations. A Stark Phone with an Avengers app.

The minute I arrived at the Playground May called me up to Coulson’s office. “What were you thinking just leaving like that!” He asked loudly. I couldn’t possibly tell him that I was in love with the guy he had a man-crush on but he was still pining for somebody else. “I’m a liability to Captain Rogers. He wants to find his friend and I'm just a tool to his end goal.” Coulson seemed to agree fairly quickly.

“Here read this. I’ll be sending you on a deep cover mission in New York. You’ll be getting one of the old S.H.I.E.L.D. apartments and a makeover. Don’t want anybody noticing you especially not an Avenger.

My alias was a joke. A hipster girl with high maintenance galaxy hair from Brooklyn. I didn’t like Lena Jenkins but I had to put up with the nutty PI persona for a while.

Coulson had assigned me to:

a) Track down Hydra Agents

b) Look into disappearances similar to Peter Quill’s

c) **DON’T GET CAUGHT BY AN ANVENGER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE**

He gave me a sticky note with c) on it in bright red sharpie. Just in case.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

It had been weeks since I left. I wasn’t even supposed to be in Manhattan but I was tracking my neighbor’s son through town. That’s what came with being Lena. I actually had to take jobs for the sake of the cover. So far he had done nothing conspicuous well aside from visiting every bank on his way. He probably planned to hit one with the guy he just had coffee with. Or he just liked banks a lot. That’s when it happened I left the coffee shop pushing my hat back and then bang. I ran into a very solid torso. A metal hand reached out to steady me immediately. “Bucky?”

“Avery?” He looked different the tips of his hair were blue hanging out of a gray beanie. One of the headphones had popped out of his ear when we crashed into each other. [_I Knew You Were Trouble_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNoKguSdy4Y) by Taylor Swift was oozing out of it. Bucky was wearing a black leather jacket over a ripped Captain America t-shirt, black jeans and combat boots. “Hey, punk. I really gotta find that dude I was totally shadowin’ just then.” I was sure Bucky didn’t notice that I talked differently. “Av…”

“It’s Lena. Now if ya have to hang around.” I motioned behind me starting to follow Bryce. “What’s up with the hair?” I asked. Bucky had put his arm around me smiling fondly as we stalked the guy some more. I was sure everybody that gave us a closer look just saw a punk-ish looking guy with his hipster girlfriend. “I needed to look less like a fugitive. I guess.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. “The music in this century is great. I like it.” So that’s what he want's to talk about _music_. “And the love for Cap?”

“Ran out of shirts and it was around.” Bryce was walking past the Avengers tower looking up briefly. “Fuck, kiss me quick I think he saw us.” Bucky pulled me in close messily pressing his lips to mine. I pressed my hands to his chest softly while he squeezed my waist. In retrospect kissing Bucky in front of the tower not so smart.

“What the hell! I can’t fucking believe it! Is that you Bucky?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's love for Taylor Swift inspired by this [post](http://jamesrbarnes.tumblr.com/post/112935723436/part-4-of-the-stucky-sticky-notes-seriespost-the).


	5. Somewhere, Somehow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway since Feige confirmed Age of Ultron takes place about one year after The Winter Soldier I now have some kind of an idea of the timeline. The later bit of this Chapter would take place around the time of AOS' 'Melinda' Episode.

What I couldn’t believe was that he didn’t utilize fuck or fucking at least another three times. Must have cost him a lot of self-control. Usually not something he displayed when angry. Bucky froze for a split seconds but quickly came to his senses and disappeared. Once Steve noticed he was long gone. People crowded around us quickly. “Thanks, Steve.” I muttered storming toward the subway entrance. “So you’ve been screwing Bucky or what?”

“I was working, the guy saw us following him so I made the call. I haven’t seen any of you in weeks. Especially not Bucky. You know what I’m gonna stay away. Give it up Steve.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

My phone beeped again. It had been two weeks since I saw Bucky and Steve. I already had ten messages form Natasha, Clint, Sam, Tony and Bruce from today only. Even he seemed concerned.

**Nat**

**Talk to me.**  

**Clint**

**Ava, damn it. Answer us.**

**Sam**

**Steve’s talking to us again.**

**Tony**

**I’m officially concerned. I understand you don’t want to talk to Rogers but me?**

**Nat**

**Shut up Tony.**

**Sam**

**Yeah, not helping, man.**

**Bruce**

**Would it make you feel better if I told you Steve stopped ruining punching bags?**

**Clint**

**That’s not how you try cheering people up! She hates it when he’s doing that.**

**Bruce**

**I know… I just though...**

**Tony**

**Update: Thor and Cap are mopping on the couch eating ice cream and watching Rom-Coms.**

**Nat**

**They are crying.**

 

I smiled the thought of Steve and Thor crying over some stupid Rom-Com entertained me. “You have to answer them sooner or later you know.”

“Jesus, Coulson.” I yelped. The Director ginned at me. “I brought food.” I gave the bag of take out a wary look. The news were muted but the pictures spoke for themselves. “S.H.I.E.L.D.’s still a terrorist organization?” He sat the two boxes of Chinese down. “Yes. I know that Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers saw you and Stark is looking for you. Any progress with the Quill case?” I shook my head poking at the food. “That’s yours. I prefer the twice cooked pork. Hand it over Director.” We traded boxes and started to eat quietly.

“I take it you will return to the tower if Captain Rogers eh comes to his senses. Those messages form Stark are quite amusing, though.” I gave him a small smile. “Yeah, they keep sending me little updates on what he’s doing. Apparently one of the punching bags went straight through the window.” Coulson chuckled. “Do you want to leave New York?” I shrugged. Did I want to leave? The answer was probably yes. He slid a file over to me. “Make your choice. If you go you can leave it all behind.” We finished dinner in silence and Coulson left through the window. My phone beeped again.

**Steve**

**Can we meet somewhere? Tomorrow?**

I didn’t answer.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I sat in the same café as two weeks ago when I had bumped into Bucky. A cup of tea stood in front of me. My fingers were tightly wrapped around the warm mug. When Steve finally entered it was empty. “Hey, your hair looks good.” He smiled. My eyes flickered to the ends of my hair they fell barely past my collarbones now. I smiled staring at my hands. “Look, Steve.” I reached for one of his hands. “I just came to tell you that I’m going on a classified mission. I’m not coming back.” He looked at me like a deer in the headlights. “But, I…”

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it. Clean slate, Steve.” A single tear ran down his cheek when I got up to kiss it one last time. I left my phone on the table. He tried grabbing my hand to hold me back but my fingers slipped away. Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as I got into the black SUV waiting for me.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

My classified mission was a boring semi-desk job rebuilding the European HQ. Which I very much welcomed. Not that London was particularly sunny. I had barely got it up and running when Hydra came knocking wanting to re-recruit me. One would think helping with the destruction of the Helicarriers would show your loyalties. Maybe the international news didn’t get that bit. My team and I had eradicated several cells in Europe when there was news on a larger one in Paris. Instead of cleaning it up myself I tipped the Avengers off let them do the work. I had enough on my hands already since the base didn’t run that smoothly even six months in.

“Agent Harris, we have news form the strike on the Hydra cell. An Avenger has reportedly been injured.” I looked up from my laptop. “Who?” Agent O’Donnell hesitated treading form one foot to the other. “Who?” I repeated. He still kept quiet. A loud groan escaped my lips. He was a stubborn one. “Captain America, ma’am ah Assistant Director.” I rolled my eyes at his attempt to figure my rank out – again. “Agent, is fine. Where are they?”

“On their way to London. They requested assistance from S.H.I.E.L.D. His situation is critical, Agent.” That man and his love for ranks. Even worse Captain Reckless strikes again. “Does Coulson know about this?” O’Donnell nodded. “May granted them excess to the Sandcastle.” God, how I hated that name. “Are they cloaked? If not I will not allow them to enter the base.” O’Donnell hustled away probably to radio in my orders. He came back relatively quickly. “They,” The stocky man gasped for air. “Will arrive in two minutes. Fully cloaked.” I leaned back in my chair. The Agent stayed by the door as if he expected me to say something.

A loud clonk shook the building somewhat. I got up slipping my heels on. O’Donnell shadowed me on my way to the flight deck. He held me back when the door was ripped open by Natasha. Tony and Clint carried Steve in. It was just the four of them. His uniform was soaked in blood. I couldn’t even tell where it came from. But he had clearly passed out. “Get him in there the Doctor is already waiting.” Another Agent yelled. I moved back to my office locking the door behind me.

My gaze fixed on the last picture I had been looking at before O’Donnell had interrupted. A post-training selfie of Nat, Steve and me. We were all smiling. I closed the window starring at the small picture tiles. A video stuck out to me I couldn’t quite say what it was about. When I opened it I could hear laughter. Natasha and Clint chuckling at Steve and me. He was standing in the old HQ gym in front of a large mattress his hands outstretched. “I’ll catch you don’t worry.” I ran at him and he lifted me up like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. In the background Clint mumbled “Impressive.” As Steve was about to set me down he tripped and fell on his back. I landed on his chest knocking the air out of his lungs. “Or not.” Nat laughed.

“Mr. Stark would like see and I quote here ‘Whoever the hell is in charge here’. He’s waiting in medical.” I moved around the table checking my reflection in the glass door before I left. “The Assistant Director will be right with you.” Agent Sterling said behind the open door. I nodded at him. “Thanks Brett you can leave now.” Their heads jerked up as they heard my voice. “Avery? You run this place?” Tony asked in disbelieve. I shot him a pointed look. “So you gave those orders about cloaking and all.”

“Yes, this is a secure base. I can’t have the Avengers landing on my roof like it’s nothing and attract all kinds of unwanted attention.” The room fell quiet for a while. I looked at Steve on the other side of the glass. Dr. Keller was working on a large wound on his stomach. “What happened?” Clint answered the quickest. “One of those Hydra guys stabbed him right through with a sword. Pretty sure he grazed his heart. He had already taken three or four bullets and some other hits too.” I felt Nat's hand on my forearm.

A little while later Sterling came back asking if we needed anything and they all agreed that they needed some food. Whatever he could get. Keller was done with the surgery an hour later. I offered the others a place to sleep in case they were tired. Nobody objected and they all left me and Sterling alone. I sent him away too. Steve was still unconscious when I entered the room to stay with him. As it turns out they had to shoot him with an I.C.E.R. to transport him. I wasn’t sure how long I waited next to him, my hands holding his. I might have nodded off for a while because I was woken by a squeeze of my hand and a raspy. “Hey, there. Did Tony call you?” He gave me a crooked smile. “Something like that.” I smiled back. Steve patted the spot next to him. ”No seriously what are you doing here?”

“You’re in my S.H.I.E.L.D. base, Steve.” I answered softly grazing my thumb over his cheek. He leaned into the touch pressing a kiss to the heel of my hand. “Assistant Director.” Dr. Keller said. “I’d like to see if Captain Rogers is ready to be transported back to New York.” I nodded moving away from Steve’s bed. Two hours later all the Avengers piled back into the Quinjet. Sterling and I stood on the ramp about to leave when Tony shouted. “STOP! Get in! J.A.R.V.I.S. detected a bomb. Hurry.” The explosion shook the jet midair. Brett and I landed on our knees beside Steve. Who motioned me to move closer to him, so he could hold me. Agent Sterling buckled himself in on the opposite side of the jet. Steve’s warmth and his soft whispers lulled me into much needed sleep.

 

The jet touching down woke me up. I was in an awkward half hanging position with my only support being Steve’s arm. He was still asleep, snoring lightly. I pressed a kiss to his hairline before carefully winding out of his embrace. We left the Quinjet one by one with Tony and Clint half carrying a groggy Steve. He had insisted that he could walk just fine. He was Captain America after all. Keller might have given him too much pain medication. Tony let out a surprised shriek when he noticed a dark figure next to the elevator. “I thought you’d be tougher.” She said her voice emotionless as always.

“May.” I said curtly. She nodded in my direction. “The others are waiting in the briefing room.” The elevator was cramped. Tony tried to cheer May up with his not so funny comments. She had even threatened to murder him if he made one more stupid comment. Which had earned her a respecting nod form Nat. Steve seemed lightheaded once we reached our destination. His friends gently sat him down in a chair. I leaned on the table next to him Clint stood on his other side.

He was playing with an arrow. Bruce fiddled with his glasses while Natasha watched the both of them. Thor was staring into nothingness and Hill taped her foot impatiently. “Who are we waiting for?” Tony asked slouching down in his chair. He was watching Sterling by the window. “The Director.” May answered shortly. On queue the doors opened and Gonzales stepped out straightening his suit jacket. The room fell silent.

“Who's that guy?.” Tony stuttered.

“Director of the _new_ S.H.I.E.L.D.” Gonzales muttered, moving towards the large screen behind May. “But what I’d really like to know is how this happened.” He pointed at the screen showing the explosion of the base. ”This was a secret base. Nobody outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. knew about it. A few of the frames show a jet. Your jet Stark. How did you find the Sandcastle?” He was in a moderate Fury-mode. “Director, Agent O’Donnell said the Avengers had radioed in that they needed S.H.I.E.L.D.’s support and that Agent May had authorized their landing at the Sandcastle.” I spoke up.

Both him and May seemed surprised by the information. “Neither of us knew about that. Agent Sterling can you confirm any of that?” Brett nodded. “Calvin and I picked up on one of the old frequencies. He went ahead and contacted you while I answered them to come to London and stand by until we had authorization to allow them on the premises. O’Donnell said it was all clear with you and he’d just check in with Avery.”

“Nothing was cleared with me or Agent May. As far as I can tell even Agent Harris was informed after you gave the green light.” Now he was in full Fury-mode. Sterling looked like a dried up flower.

“Captain America needed medical attention.” He stuttered. “Yes, I know but twelve Agents are dead because of Agent O’Donnell. He has been in contact with the group of Hydra Associates Mr. Stark and his team whipped out. We believe the attack on Captain Rogers was deliberate as well as triggering the explosives. Now if you excuse me you pulled me away from a mission.”

I wouldn't have been surprised if he had ordered the bombing. It was no secrets he despised everything Coulson had done and he surely didn't appreciate me being alive and well. He turned slightly confused.

“Ah, Agent Harris I believe the Avengers will take you back as for you Agent Sterling you can stay or come with us.” Brett was so intimidated by Gonzales he’d probably sweep the floors of the tower if it meant being away from him. With that he turned, May hot on his heels. Tony scratched his neck staring at Steve who hung limply in his chair. “Could somebody please escort Captain Sleepy to his room?”

“Tony.” I hissed. He seemed unimpressed. “Do you have something to say Agent I’m-actually-Assistant-Director? Oh wait your Sandcastle got blasted to bits.”


	6. Go Go Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda mature and stuff so if you don't like it you have been warned. The end might be TRIGGERING. It's a dream but still just a fair warning. I marked both parts with lines so you may skip them.

Tony and I hadn’t spoken to each other in a few days he was ignoring me. I was fine with that he’d come around eventually. Sam and Bucky, who had just randomly turned up a month ago, had put me on nurse duty for Steve. Who’d beg for kisses and cuddles every time I checked on him. I came into his room with his lunch and a horrible bathrobe Bucky had found on his shopping trip with Sam. “How are you?” I asked setting the tray down before putting the robe in his bathroom. “I feel fine. Need a shower though. Care to join me?”

“Food first, Cap.” I smiled. He whined impatiently while picking up the cutlery. “Why so many vegetables?” Steve asked poking at the Brussels sprouts. I sighed sitting down next to him. “Because Sam, Bucky and I couldn’t decide what we should cook so we made a mix and match menu. By the way I made some apple pie for you.” His head perked up. “So where is it? Did Bucky say I have to eat my vegetables first?” I nodded causing him to frown. Steve offered me some vegetables which I accepted since if I didn’t he’d start to turn into a child. “Stakes good.”

“Sam made it. How do you like the Brussels sprouts?” He ate one more grimacing. “I like the fried zucchini better but they are okay? Did Bucky even help cook any of this?” I shook my head smiling at his scrunched up face as he stuffed more bitter vegetables in his mouth. “He bore the responsibility.” Steve nodded bringing his fork to my mouth. I picked the sprout off with my teeth. “Stop eating his vegetables!” Bucky said harshly. “And Stevie, stop offering or I’ll eat all the apple pie and believe me it’s better than the stake.”

“Hey!” Sam shouted in the distance. Bucky's mental state wasn't that great but for the sake of Steve he covered it up with witty comments. He seemed to copy that from Tony. Stark's textbook way of not dealing with PTSD must be really popular these days. Sam had asked me to help him since he hadn't gotten enough sleep himself in the last month.

His nightmares were worse than Steve's so naturally it was harder to calm him down after. I had no idea what he did during the time he was gone other than that he'd been hiding in Montauk after I last saw him. But came back after he killed an entire Hydra S.T.R.I.K.E. Team. Since then he mostly avoided his friend, according to Sam.

Steve gulped some of his apple juice upon which his best friend had insisted to add. “Eat up. I’ll get your bath ready.” I disappeared in his bathroom setting out towels and turning on the water before dropping one of the various unidentified bath-bombs in. The spray of water created bubbles almost instantly. When I came back Steve sat on the edge of the bed feet resting on the hardwood floor. “If you wanna get clean you’ll have to undress.” I told him tugging at his t-shirt. He swatted my hands away and stood up. “Let me see how your wound looks.”

“Let me kiss you first.” He answered pulling his shirt over his head. I shook my head at him examining the healed stab wound on his chest. Steve dipped his head down anyway pressing his soft lips on mine. He backed me into the bathroom causing me to pull away. “Have fun in your bath. Would you like some toys? A boat maybe?” I giggled smacking his butt as he turned away.

His pajama pants fell to the floor as he strode to the tub. He let out a low moan as the hot water enveloped him. “You know you could still join me. A nice hot bath to relax you a bit.” Steve pouted. “You mean you want me to have sex with you.” I muttered. He tilted his head to the side in thought. “I wouldn’t say no.” I rolled my eyes at him unbuttoning my plaid shirt and shrugging it off. Steve licked his lips. My jeans and underwear followed swiftly. I sunk into the bath straddling his legs.

* * *

 

He pulled me against his chest so I could feel his semi-hard on. “You’re so beautiful.” Steve muttered running his thumb over my left nipple. He was now comfortably leaning in the tub, enjoying the view. His hand massaging my thigh. I leaned forward kissing him passionately. My hands found their way to his neck weaving into his blonde hair. His own started to grip my waist squeezing lightly before he moved them to cup my breasts starting to massage. His palms brushing over my nipples. “Ah, that feels good...Steve." I groaned, my head falling back.

He leaned down, starting to kiss and suck on the now hard buds. I moved forward, running my fingers over his solid length. Steve emitted a shuddering gasp. I pressed another kiss to his lips, swallowing the small moans escaping his mouth as I started moving my hand. His fingers traveled down to my clit starting to rub slowly. A low moan escaped my lips as he continued his slow circles. “I need you so badly, baby.” He groaned. I rose briefly before lowering myself onto his member. He clutched the side of the bathtub turning his knuckles white.

"Yesss, you feel…" Steve broke off when I clenched around him. “Fucking amazing!” I leaned in pressing soft kisses to his chest while I adjusted to his size. It felt good just to have him stretch me. I was pretty sure I had never felt so full in my life. “Does it feel good? Having my hard cock in you?” I nodded resting my palms on his chest giving an experimental roll of my hips. Steve groaned loudly bucking his hips up. Both his hands came to rest on my hips forcing me to move faster. “Do you like riding Captain America? Huh, baby?” He questioned, driving his thumb over my clit again, causing my walls to clamp down on him.

Steve’s head briefly fell back on the edge of the tub. “I think you do. You know what I like?” I shook my head continuing to bounce on him. The movement caused the water to ripple forcefully. His gaze was fixed on my breasts. Nipples dipping into the water with every other move. My arms encircled his neck for more support while he gripped my ass roughly. “Making you come really hard.” He grinned mischievously, pressing me into him.

Steve wiggled around a little so now he was on top with me leaning back against the bathtub. He snapped his hips forward setting a rapid pace. He hit my g-spot perfectly causing me to moan frantically. The water was sloshing like crazy but I didn’t care. Steve’s movements felt too good. His left arm held me up by my waist.

My hands gripped onto his biceps and shoulder. While his mouth started to work my breasts his right hand started squeezing my thigh. I started to press kisses to his neck and collarbone until his thumb made contact with my clit. At this point I was just a moaning mess chasing my release.

Steve grunted moving his hips even faster. “So close.” He muttered into my chest. “Me too.” I gasped meeting his thrusts with more urgency. I could feel my orgasm building the warm feeling in my stomach slowly spreading. Steve rubbed my clit faster causing warm tingles to spread through my body and then it finally hit me.

My orgasm caused my muscles to spasm violently. “Oh, god. Steve.” I whispered between moans. My thighs and abdominal muscles were still clenching and unclenching almost painfully when I felt Steve hit his high. He groaned and grunted into my shoulder milking his release with slow thrusts.

* * *

 

“Amazing.” He mumbled lowly, re-positioning us so I was on top again. I lifted my head to look at him. He was already staring at me adoringly. “Yeah.” I whispered kissing his chest. Steve pressed me closer to him kissing my hairline a few times.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Sam, Steve and I were in the kitchen trying to figure out what we needed to prepare for dinner tomorrow. Well Steve was eating apple pie in his new bathrobe. Sam had jokingly remarked he should have shaved since his get up would give Tony new ideas for nicknames. As if he didn’t have at least ten for everybody already. I was talking to Sam about a recipe when Stark entered. “Captain Lumberjack.” Tony saluted Steve. “You look positively radiant. That bathroom sex must have been amazing. Wouldn’t have said no had you asked.”

Steve dropped his fork in shock. “Eh-excuse me?” He asked hesitantly. “Oh-okay. I know ‘cause a) she’s drowning in your shirt over there, b) you both still have wet hair so you did at least both shower or bathe or whatever and c) had you kept the volume down I might have not noticed.” Steve’s shoulders slumped lightly. “You’re pretty loud I gotta give you that.” Sam said to nobody specific. Earning him a smack with the cookery book I was holding. After that we both went back to look for acceptable food to prepare for dinner at our apartment. Brett aka Agent Uncomfortable, one of Stark’s better creations, was also invited but I was sure he won't turn up.

“Shakespeare.” Tony half yelled with extended arms. Thor ignored him moving towards Steve. My gaze briefly flickered towards Stark who was pouting due to lack of attention. “Captain I wanted to congratulate you,” The god started. “It sounded like you and…” A bar stool rudely interrupted Thor’s oncoming speech about love making and midgardian maidens. “Stop just stop! Did everybody hear me having sex or what?”

“Sergeant Barnes and Doctor Banner were out.” Thor offered, sitting down on a bar stool. Steve let out an exasperated groan. “So everybody.” He muttered angrily, picking up the stool he had kicked over in his rage. He sat down staring at his pie. “You're missing the point who let Bucky leave alone?” I asked worriedly.

“Nat was with him don't worry.” Sam answered calmly.

“You know hadn’t you been so loud nobody would have known.” Tony muttered in Steve's direction. I picked up the knife lying in the cake pan weighting it in my hand. Tony stood within perfect distance from the others. I hurled it past him impaling it in the opposite wall right next to the cork board. It had missed him by an inch which had caused him to shriek like a little girl.

“If you had stopped talking I wouldn’t have done that.” I said wrapping my arms around Steve’s biceps. Stark was too shocked to speak. He just waved his hands and left. "She's feisty." Thor mumbled. Sam grinned at the knife like a mad man before going back to the cookery book. We eventually decided cooking spaghetti would be much easier than something fancy but Clint said we owed Bucky that much.

After dinner I changed Steve's sheets while he was watching TV with Thor. A knock on the door interrupted me. "Hey." Tony said leaning on the door frame. "Ugh, I just though I'd tell you something. The floor you used to live on Bruce and I turned it into a secure area. You know after we found your S.H.I.E.L.D. security system. Great work nobody can hack it and technically we stole it. Sorry." He smiled briefly.

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier and..." He awkwardly scratched his neck. "How's Barnes doing?"

"He's getting better. It's fine, Tony. I know how you get."

"I'll leave you to it then. You probably need to get back to Brooklyn." I nodded going back to changing the pillow cases.

 

I was still reading when Steve went to bed. He had insisted that he come with me and check on Bucky. So Sam and I could sleep. After tossing me one of his plaid shirts he went to brush his teeth.

"So we're moving in together?" I asked while he changed out of his clothes. "I guess so." He answered while I sat down my book. He briefly glanced at the bright green face of it trying to make sense of the title. "What are you reading?"

" _Der Herr der Ringe_." I answered amused by his bewildered look. "You know I don't speak German that well. But it's Tolkien so maybe The Lord of the Rings?" Bucky had gotten them for me as a thank you. He had joked about me maybe having to brush up my German and needing to reading the classics. But I had seen through his happy facade.

"Smart boy." I laughed. "Have you seen the films yet?" Steve shook his head. "No time. You know how missions can be." He settled into bed turning off the light on his side table. "If you don't mind I'd like some sleep." I nodded getting changed for bed as well.

* * *

 

"Ah, what is that?!" I yelled at her. My mother smiled a cruel smile. She sat the syringe down on a metal tray. "It's for your own good."

"Liar!" I shouted. Sylvia laughed again turning towards the door. I followed her movements. "You didn't even notice I was there the whole time did you?" Bucky asked from the shadows. As he emerged I noticed he was in his Winter Soldier get up. All black except for his metal arm. "Is he going to..."

"No." She said in a cold voice. Sylvia sighed, looking directly at me. "You're a gift for them. They do such wonderful things for humanity. They deserve a present." She smiled softly, lovingly even but then her fingers clamped down on the steel table. "At first I didn't want them to have you but you're so beautiful. Beauty and the Beast you used to love that fairy tale." I was sure she had gone mad. Absolutely crazy.

My eyes drifted towards Bucky again. "I kidnapped you for a reason, doll." He walked towards us. “You know Sylvia, she is good with poison." Bucky's eyes were so cold, they resembled frozen lakes. "So if you want to stay alive be a good girl." His voice was a low whisper but it had a dangerous edge. "You'll do everything I tell you to." He traced his thumb over my lips. I nodded to scared to speak. "Good."

The Winter Soldier leaned in kissing me forcefully. I didn't respond. His metal hand rose to my neck squeezing lightly. "What did I tell you!" If stares could kill I’d been dead right there. He let go kissing me again. This time I kissed back but my eyes stayed open scanning the dark room. Something round with a silver sheen caught my eye. It looked like a shield. Captain America's shield.

I was shoved back against the table. Bucky pulled of my dog tags, crushing them in his metal hand. My mother stood by the door to the observation room turning to leave. The room fell silent aside from the noise of heavy boots. A tall man in all black came towards me. His blond hair was short, shaved down to the skull, but I still recognized him. "Steve?" I mumbled staring at him.

After momentary confusion he grabbed the top of my t-shirt and ripped it down the middle. "It's Captain." His voice was completely different hard and emotionless. He like Bucky was in his tactical gear. He gave me a cruel smile setting his shield down. It was all black except for the star. Underneath the scratches the red and blue showed. "Hmm, so beautiful." Steve mused.

"Jesus. We'll have some fun with her." Bucky smiled. "Let's make sure she knows we won't deliberately hurt her." Steve pulled me against him kissing me with even more force than his friend. His hands groped at my chest painfully hard. I struggled against him. Kicking and punching at whatever I could reach. When I landed one against his jaw he grabbed my arm so harshly I thought he'd break it.

"Kill her, she's just like the others." Steve ordered.

"No not my daughter." Sylvia yelled storming out of the other room. Steve pulled a gun, firing several rounds into her chest. She dropped to the floor with wide eyes.

“Anyway,” Bucky started. "Where were we?" His bionic arm clamped down on my throat. Pushing me back on the table. I struggled for a few seconds but his grip was too tight.

* * *

 

"Ava! Wake up!" A raspy voice whispered. After being shaken violently I realized the voice belonged to Steve leaning above me with a worried expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Cork board(s)](http://captreckless.tumblr.com/post/129092823908/random-stuff-the-avengers-pin) the second one would be in the apartment where people just put random stuff on it like the Lana Del Rey cover Clint finds hilarious (Tony pinned that one) and the fact that Tony gave them only pink office supplies because he's immature.     


	7. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-watched The First Avenger and I kinda felt like I noticed little bits and pieces I have never seen before like why Cap doesn't tell Peggy his coordinates other than for Avengers purposes.

"How are you feeling?" Steve asked handing me a glass of water. "I've been better." I answered taking a few sips. "You hit pretty hard when you have nightmares by the way. Wanna talk about it?" I rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyes. "Right, like you talk about yours?" He looked taken aback but it was true.

When he had nightmares he'd never talk about them not even if somebody had heard him trash and shout. Steve would go of and do something physical but he'd never talk about them.

➵ ➵ ➵ 2012 ➵ ➵ ➵

In the Retreat he'd go and chop wood. Sometimes rip it apart with his bare hands. I'd watch him through the window too worried to ask if he was alright. He woke me up with his screams every night. I had offered to talk about it with him early on but he told me to leave him be so I did.

But that one night was different, I could hear him cry. Soft little sniffles coming through the cracked open door. I padded to the couch offering him a hug. He took it gratefully. Crying into my shoulder. "I wanna forget." He whispered.

"I don't want to remember my old life, the ice, the people. But I can't forget..." Steve broke off. "Almost everybody I used to know is dead and I'm still just like the day I went under." I continued rubbing his back letting him cry and mumble about how much he wished he had died. "After loosing Bucky, I didn't care if it broke their hearts or not. I just wanted to be done. I didn't want to survive that crash. For a brief second after he fell I almost let go too."

The following morning two Agents came to pick him up. Try and reintegrate him into society as I had done before them. "Please, Avery. Consider it." Steve whispered.

"I know you aren't happy but welcoming death the way you do isn't healthy."

I turned to the Agents waiting by the car. "Agent Kingsley, Agent Cooper. Make sure you don't overwhelm him with information or technology. Ease him into it and," I lowered my voice. "Should you notice something off immediately contact Director Fury or Commander Hill." Cooper was about to protest. "I don't wanna hear it. Keep him safe."

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Steve pressed a kiss to my exposed shoulder before moving my hair out of the way to continue his assault. Once he reached my ear he spoke. "No not like me. But if you don't want to let me take your mind off it." I turned around which he miss-interpreted as me wanting to kiss him.

"Of course not like you?! You asked me to kill you, remember? Hell, Steve you even asked Bucky to just finish you off on the carrier. You always rather die than live when it comes down to the choice or you wouldn't have asked Hill to blow the Helicarriers with both you and Bucky on them. I don't know what happened to make you fall in love with death but I know you are."

A loud knock on the wall ripped me out of my speech. "You guys keep it down." Sam yelled. "Shut up, Wilson." Bucky grumbled outside the door. "I need some air." I announced grabbing my jeans of the floor. I stormed past Sam, who had just come out of the kitchen, and Bucky on the sofa.

It was early Thursday morning. Not really the best time to wonder the streets of New York alone. My knife was hidden under Steve's shirt not that any drunk would be scared of that. _Steve_. His scent was still lingering on the fabric. I pulled my leather jacket tighter around me.

It was cold but I didn't want to go back to the apartment just yet. My legs carried me to my favorite coffee shop. It was basically always open. The hot air enveloped me as soon as I entered. The shop was empty except for two guests and the barrister. I passed them thinking about hot tea to sip on, on my way back. After briefly studying the options I decided on vanilla-orange black tea. The woman behind the counter took her sweet time preparing it but she took even longer with my change.

With my hand tightly wrapped around the steaming to-go cup I exited the cafe. I was still holding open the door with my other when a male voice shouted my name form the other side of the street. Before I could respond my phone beeped. It was a text from Sam.

**We're in trouble.**

I dropped my tea in the nearest bin and started running crossing the street to join Steve. “What is it?” He yelled.

“Something's up. Sam just texted me.”

“Is it Bucky?” Steve asked worriedly.

“I don't know. Worst case the government found out about him. I can't deal with Talbot or any of them right now.” I muttered running faster to keep up with him. To say I wasn't a fan of the way the Senate handled S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsing was an understatement. Tagging along with Cap and Sam had gotten me out of the hearings but General Talbot was NOT fun to deal with. Especially not with as he called it my peculiar past. For a time I was supposed to be arrested on sight by whomever capable.

“I know but I got you out of that whole Hydra scandal.” I rolled my eyes at him. His formal letter to the President had helped but well... I still wasn't really able to step outside without somebody yelling. “Arrest her.” Stuff like that gets old real fast.

We reached our building and Steve dragged me up the stairs to our apartment. Coulson had sent the keys to the largest one to Steve in case he wanted to move back to Brooklyn. Agent Sterling lived two floors below us while the others were for rent.

The old Korean lady that lived down the hall from us liked to complain, a _lot_. Usually about how loud Bucky was, she didn't seem to understand that he was dealing with PTSD. “Kids these days!” She yelled after Steve and me as we ran past her door. I checked the time it was just past seven.

Sam was waiting in the kitchen. “What is it?” I asked out of breath. Sam handed me a letter. “Some General's coming to get Bucky. They wanna lock him up.” My eyes scanned the top of the paper.  _General Glen Talbot._ Great. “Where's he?”

“Asleep for now. He passed out on the couch again.” They'd come in an hour that's what the letter said at least. “Steve could you carry him to his room?” I asked. He nodded making his way towards the couch.

As I walked to my room I could see Steve kneeling in front of Bucky, softly talking to him.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“Whoa, why that full on [business thing](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c2/51/85/c251857f22f1ef4458f4df635aae22ab.jpg)?” Sam asked over the top of his coffee mug. I brushed over my black suit pants, making sure there were no wrinkles. “It's Talbot. He'll expect us to just give Bucky up 'cause he's a General. But I won't just roll over like some pet dog.” Around the corner I could hear Steve try to get his friend to stay in his room but Bucky came out anyway.

He wore a green t-shirt and black sweats. His long dark hair was tied back in a small ponytail. He groaned loudly as he sat down next to me. "Can't sleep. Come cuddle with me till I fall asleep again?" I brushed a few strands of hair out of his face. “I would but I need to deal with the military. Would you mind staying with Steve for a bit?”

Bucky sighed. “Please? Your [hair](http://www.weddingfanatic.com/wp-content/uploads/nkk/2014/03/updo-braid.jpg) looks pretty by the way.”

“Yeah, looks complicated.” Sam added putting his cup in the sink.

“So you dressed up for that General?” Steve asked surly. He eyed his friend, who's arm was resting on the back of my chair which seemed to bother Steve. I looked him up and down. He was in jeans and a sweatshirt. “Yeah. I'm gonna annoy him as a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent. He has some weird truce with our Director but since Gonzales took over I don't know what's up. It would probably help if you stayed.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “I need to get my stuff from the tower. I...” The door bell interrupted his sentence. I got up, buttoning my suit jacket over my baby blue blouse. Talbot almost hit me with the door as soon as I unlocked it. He had two soldiers by his side. One held special handcuffs one's neither Steve nor Bucky could break. “I'm here to arrest the Winter Soldier. I trust you got my letter.” The General muttered sounding annoyed as always. “Yes and you will not arrest Sergeant Barnes.”

“I don't care about what ever S.H.I.E.L.D. want's with him. We want him in custody and I'm here to take him.”

“Right, you remember the Grant Ward security snafu? He's still missing. Go look for him or chase after other Hydra Agents but Sergeant Barnes is staying.” I said firmly.

“I'm taking him. End of discussion.” Talbot announced with increasing volume. “What do you want in exchange for him?” I asked eyeing the General carefully. Both his soldiers seemed to worry that they actually had to drag the Winter Soldier out of the apartment after engaging in a fight with Captain America. Who was standing behind me giving them a judgmental stare. “Locations of three Hydra bases. I don't care if they are abandoned or not. And if any bloodshed happens on American soil and we can link Barnes to it you go down.”

I nodded reaching for pen and paper. Talbot seemed more than happy about the location of the bases in Canada, Washington and California. I even added an extra one in South Africa. “ Thank you for your cooperation, Agent Harris. Have a good day.”

Steve sat on the kitchen counter. Staring me down. “That bargain wasn't fair.” He muttered. I shrugged really not caring if I went to prison as long as I kept Bucky out of it for now.

Bucky's concerned eyes followed me as I leaned on the counter next to him. He reached his hand out brushing his finger tips over my wrist. I looked up shaking my head at the unasked question. He was usually all about subtle movements when it came to emotions but he seemed to make an exception now.

He hugged me tightly, resting his cheek on my head. Bucky and I had hugged a hundred times. In the cell he would hold me just to make sure I wouldn't get cold. But now it felt different, warmer, more serious. Maybe because I knew holding him while he tried to sleep was the only thing that kept his nightmares in check.

“If you want to talk. I'm here.” He whispered before kissing my hair. I couldn't see Steve but I could hear him. He was probably ready to pry me off of Bucky and throw him out the window. Instead he left smashing the door shut behind him.

“Temperamental.” Sam uttered.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Steve came back half an hour later. Three moving boxes stacked in his arms. Bucky's head was resting in my lap. He had fallen asleep a few minutes ago while I continued to watch  _The Maze Runner_ . I paused the film as soon as I noticed Steve. “You can put them in Bucky's room for now. Please, lock the door. Sam already left.” Steve shoved the small tower towards the sofa. “Is Buck sleeping?” I nodded watching the super-soldier clench and unclench his hands in his sleep. Cap leaned over the back of the couch to watch him.

“How long since he fell asleep?”

“Ten minutes maybe. You look tired you should sleep too.” I said touching his cheek. Steve gave me a crooked smile. “So do you. Will you ever tell me what you dreamed about last night?” I shrugged looking at Bucky again. He started to whimper and trash around again. “Shhh, honey. I'm here. Calm down, sweetie.” I whispered brushing my finger through his hair.

Steve moved around the couch crouching in front of it. “What can I do?” He asked resting his hand next to Bucky's leg fingertips just barely brushing it. “Don't...” Steve hit the hardwood floor with a thud. Bucky right on top of him fist raised. “Touch him.”

I sank to the floor next to them carefully touching Bucky's right arm. He slowly dropped it to his side leaning back against the couch. His face was blank.

“Sorry.” He mumbled intertwining his fingers with mine.

“It's okay, Buck.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

It had been two weeks since Bucky jumped Steve.  Sam and I were sitting at the breakfast bar trying not to listen to Steve and Bucky argue about the broken bed frame. But the harder I tried not to the closer attention I payed.

Shortly after Sam left for work everything went silent. I tried busying myself but I got to worried that they were doing something stupid. I had to check on them. Barely through the door I froze. The sight in front of me was definitively not what I expected. Bucky's hands were holding Steve's face in place weaving into his hair.

Steve held onto Bucky's bionic arm kissing him with equal amounts of passion. They pulled away staring at each other. “I though you weren't ready?” Steve asked. “I just took a chance. Otherwise I'd probably would have never known.” Cap nodded touching his friends cheek. Now I understood why he so desperately wanted to die. “I love...”

“I know. Me too.” Bucky cut him off. Steve sighed. “No, I love her.” I was pretty sure neither of them had noticed me at this point. “That's what I'm saying.” My eyes widened. “Since when?” Steve asked casually. “Probably since I met her. Nat said I should let it go if she was in love with you. God, I was way to excited about her asking me to kiss her. Even when I knew it meant nothing to her.” He rubbed his chin looking at Steve.

“I don't know she's different since London. It's like she sees more clearly. Maybe she had time to reevaluate what she wants.” Steve said quietly. Bucky tilted his head to the side. “Do you think she would...”

“Share? I don't know.” He mumbled, leaning back against the wall. Steve sat up straight as soon as he noticed me standing by the door. “How long have you been there?” He asked sounding alarmed. “Since you guys made out. You're both bad at assessing your surroundings.” I answered with an amused smile.

“By the way, Steve, you could have brought up the fact that you're into your best friend.” Bucky hid his face in his hands making a sound like a wounded animal. “Hey.” I said prying his right hand from his face. “It's okay. But to answer your question I need to try something.” His cybernetic arm stayed firmly planted on his face until Steve pulled it away forcefully.

I gave Bucky a soft peck on the lips. “Is that okay?” I asked causing him to nod vigorously. I leaned in again carefully locking our lips. Steve seemed to enjoy it more than Bucky did so I pulled away again.

“What's wrong?” I asked brushing some of his brown hair out of his face. He gave me a sad look before burying his face in the crook of my neck. “I don't wanna know how nice I feels to kiss you in case you don't like it.”

“What if I like it and you're just being a diva?” I asked starting to massage his scalp. Bucky ran his nose along my neck humming contently. “What about me? I mean this is hot but still. I want in on the fun.”

I laughed at Steve's attempt to pulled me towards him while Bucky held onto my belt loops so he wouldn't hurt me. My eyes fell on the bed in the other room. “We could get a bed happening and...”

“I hope you wanted to say cuddle 'cause I don't need our neighbor halfway breaking down the door again.” Steve said getting up to start building our makeshift bed. He chucked a couple pillows at me before casually throwing a mattress at Bucky.

The two messed around with the sheets and blankets for a while until they gave up trying to build a fort. “You guys are aware that you're almost a hundred years old, right?” They both nodded settling on the fresh bed spread. I threw the remaining blankets at them.

“I'm tired.” Bucky mumbled settling under the layers just to reemerge to take most of his clothes off. Steve stripped down to his boxers as well patting the spot in between Bucky and him. After peeling of my jeans and socks I crawled in between them resting my head on Bucky's chest.

“Would you be mad if I didn't want to be your pillow? I don't want to accidentally hurt you.” I shook my head. I knew that hurting me had always been his biggest concern. I sat up kissing the scar tissue around his arm. My fingers traced the metal plating carefully. Steve cleared his throat behind me. “If you ask what it's made out of in a sultry voice I'm leaving.”

“A titanium alloy.” I said as seductively as I could. “Which is not as hard as Vibranium.” I continued rolling the r's. “Fine that was hot.” He muttered switching places with Bucky since they both preferred the other side of the bed anyway. “Cap's into metal porn did you know that?” I whispered over my shoulder. Bucky quietly laughed into my neck.


	8. Gods & Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even gonna lie I was just too lazy to type an entire handwritten chapter for like two weeks. Sorry.

„You're awake, good.“ The scientist to my right said. He was checking something on a screen tapping the image impatiently. “I pulled five slugs from your stomach. I've got a feeling he doesn't like you.” I stayed on the slab I was lying on, _again_. A white sheet covered my entire body like the last time. “I wasn't sure if you'd wake up this time. Those bullets did some serious damage. By the way Pierce said to return you should you survive.”

I groaned and sat up, wrapping the sheet around myself. “Before you ask what happened to them their file is over there but if you breath one word to them.” He dragged his finger across his throat. I nodded reaching for the folder. It contained two documents. Two mission-reports one SSR and the other from an organization called Leviathan. A note made by a head of Hydra added to the later. They both said more or less the same.

_Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes missing in action, presumed dead._

_Dr. Zola's only surviving test subject and Captain America found by Russian soldiers._

As a reason the SSR report stated both Steve and Bucky fell from the train. After I sat the file down the scientist waved two soldiers in. One of them threw a small black bundle at me. “Put that on.” He snarled. I didn't object since aside from the morgue sheet I was basically naked. I had barely slipped on the revealing silk negligee when each of them grabbed one of my arms.

They dragged me down a long corridor in which I repeatedly tried to dig the heels of my boots in the concrete floor in order to get away. We came to a halt in front of a large iron door, it looked like the entrance to a bank vault. I was pushed in forcefully, hitting the concrete floor hard. Cap stood a foot from me. A small smile on his lips, it wasn't cruel like the ones I knew. “Sit.” He offered in a stern tone. I sat down on the large bed, examining my scraped knees.

“You're different today.” I said lowly. He gave me a crooked smile. “I haven't had a mission in a few days. But you're not here to talk. They send you to satisfy my more carnal needs and as leverage if either he or I allow us to feel something. I scare you don't I? Supposed what I did to you caused that reaction.” I nodded looking up at him.

My dream turned into a jumbled mess of flowers and the beach. Waves crashing on the shore. I could hear laughter. I was ten years old, again. My aunt chasing after me, laughing happily. Sara lifted me up twirling me around. Her long blonde hair flying in the wind. When she sat me down I was in my grandmothers garden in Upstate New York.

I held a big bouquet of flowers as I walked through the lavish backyard. Sara and my grandmother Elizabeth sat on the back porch drinking iced tea. An empty vase stood in front of them, they both smiled when I gave them the flowers. It was a happy memory, I had been a few days to my eighteenth birthday.

When I looked up I noticed Steve leaning in the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. He gave me his signature smirk. A dark shadow stood behind him. Everything happened so fast and all I could do was watch with wide eyes. Steve jerked toward groaning in pain. He looked down at his chest before dropping to the floor with a shocked expression. The Winter Soldier stood above him triumphantly, holding his heart in his metal hand.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I sat up, panting. A tear rolled down my cheek which I quickly wiped away. My abrupt movements seemed to have disturbed Steve. But when I took a closer look I could see he had been awake for a while. “You had a nightmare.” I stated matter-of-factly. He just nodded leaning back into his pillow. I rested my cheek on his chest. “How long have you been awake?”

“A while. I thought I needed to wake you up again but then you stopped trashing around. Did you die again?” He mumbled running his fingers through my hair. I shook my head, I hadn't told him how I died or who killed me. He would be mortified if he knew I was subconsciously scared of him.

“You did.” I answered after a few minutes of silence. “How?” I traced a heart shape over his chest. “Yeah, I guess getting that ripped out would kill me.” His fingertips drew nonsensical shapes on my arm. Bucky groaned beside us, rubbing his right hand over his face.

“I slept really well until you two started talking.” He grumbled. “What time is it?” I asked Steve. He shrugged leaning up to grab the clock from the bedside table. “Half past seven. Sam already left. He was singing along to Lana Del Rey. Probably why I had nightmares” He joked. I smacked Steve's chest causing him to laugh. “Stevie.”

Steve's hands froze before going back to braiding strands of my hair. “What do you want, Buck?” I could feel metal fingertips on my spine. They drew cold lines on my back. “I'm horny.”

“Well then I'm leaving you to it.” I muttered sitting up. Steve caught my hand in his as I stepped over him. “You can stay.” He offered grazing his other over my calf. I laughed. “And do what? Hold your hand?” He looked offended when I walked out of the room.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I sat at the small dining table a duffel bag full weapons in front of me. Most of them were from the S.H.I.E.L.D. secure storage below the building. I cleaned my gun to the melody of Steve and Bucky keening for each other.

By all means they weren’t quite. Their moans and grunts only interrupted by kisses and the occasional plea from either of them. It was mostly Bucky begging and whining for his friend to do something. Steve seemed to bend to his wishes easily. I had never seen him do that or heard more accurately. Not even with Fury. Yes, he had respected the former Director and carried out his orders but if he was against something he voiced that. Loudly if he had to.

I wondered if the couple from across the hall was as aggravated as Steve when they wouldn’t keep it down. Last week he had marched out on the hallway, in barely anything but his lumberjack bathrobe, banging on their door, demanding they be more quiet or he’d call the police.

Mrs. Ho had in fact called the NYPD on them for disturbance of the peace by night. Stacy and Dan had then basically broken our door down because a police officer was outside. And it had to have been Captain I-need-my-beauty-sleep who made good on his threat. In the end two thirds of the floor were yelling at each other and the police officer had trouble following the heated argument.

Sam strongly supported Steve's opinion that you couldn't get any quality sleep with that kind of noise every other night. While I ensured that we hadn't called the police 'cause we all tried to ignore the noise and get some shuteye. After telling the police man three times that Steve and I been awake and next to each other the whole time he finally let go and moved on to other potential callers.

Bucky held onto me, chin resting on my head, observing the situation. The argument got out of hand when Stacy resorted to calling me a slut for living with three guys. Steve waved his hands so much the lose knot on his bathrobe got undone. Now everybody could admire him in all his boxer clad glory. Excluding his disheveled hair which stood up in at least ten different directions.

Sam went into defense mode too, shoving the sleeves of his pajama shirt up as if he was ready for a fight. Dan on the other hand seemed unimpressed by Sam's widened stance and balled fists. He rather eyed my body than be intimidated. Granted my black slip dress didn't leave that much to the imagination but his girlfriend was two inches to his right. Bucky noticed too, growling that Dan to keep his eyes in check.

An urgent knock on the door ripped me out of my thoughts. I got up checking who was outside through the peephole before opening the door. Mrs. Ho looked very impatient, tapping her foot on the floor. I squeezed through the narrow gap between the door and its frame. Mostly to obscure her few of the kitchen table and the weapons that spilled out of the bag on top of it.

Even through the door I could still hear faint sounds of the guys pleas. I leaned back against it hoping my neighbor couldn't hear them. “I wanted to...” A loud _harder_ interrupted her sentence.

“I wanted...” She started again. “Buck.” Steve mewled through the front door. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. Mrs. Ho looked shocked.

“Oh god, Stevie.” By now I must have been beet red and her mouth was in such a tight line it might as well have not been there anymore. “Miss Harris, I wanted to talk to you about your living situation.” She made a dramatic pause filled by a low _faster_ and a nosy _fuck_. Jaeseumin faked nonchalance. “Neither of your roommates are actually permitted to live here. I feel the need to contact property management about that matter.”

I stayed quiet expecting her to rant on about how she had to call one of Coulson's people blah, blah, blah. But to my surprise she didn't. “Baby doll.” Bucky called causing me to cringe. Mrs. Ho was about to talk when I smashed the door in her face, bolting it behind me. She knocked immediately. “Miss Harris.” Thank god her exasperated tone of voice was muffled by the door.

I walked towards the bedroom finding the two men tangled up in the sheets. “What do you want?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest. They watched me with hungry eyes. Neither of them looked particularly sated though they'd messed around for at least an hour. “Come join us, baby.” Steve stated.

He looked happy while Bucky seemed conflicted. He however did his best to hide it. I shook my head, thinking back to my nightmares. They had killed me on several different occasions whether I did what they asked or not. Yes, the last had been unlike the others, I survived it but Steve didn't. In all honesty I wasn't fond of _Captain Hydra_ but the man that died hadn't been evil Cap. It was Steve Rogers the man I cared for the most.

“It's all about you. Whatever you want, doll.” I turned around leaving the two alone. My fingers dug into the back of the couch, my breathing was raged. “What's wrong?” Steve asked softly resting his hand on my shoulder. I jerked away from his touch too consumed by the vivid memory of my nightmares.

“I can't, okay? My nightmares, I'm sacred.” He reached out to touch my cheek but I slapped his hand away. “What are they really about.”His voice was level with just the slightest hint of sadness.

“You, Bucky killing me repeatedly.” I pressed out moving further away. Steve furrowed his brows quickly pressing me against his sweaty front.

“We'd never do that, babe.”

“You both fell from the train. You were under Hydra's control too, Steve. My mind mixed up some mess of reality, possibility and fear. Which means I'm afraid of you and Bucky.”

“Baby girl, it's okay we'd never hurt you.” I nodded pressing my forehead against his chest. My arms wrapped themselves around his waist. He lowered his head to gently kiss my hair. As I looked up my hand slipped down a little causing a disgusted sound to escape my lips.“Is that what I think it is?”

“If it makes you feel any better it's mine.” I shook my head. “No, and I don't want the intimates either.” I wiped my forearm on the bottom of my shirt. “Mrs. Ho dropped by while you guys were at it. She looked pretty scandalized.” Steve groaned sitting down on the back of the couch.

“Did she say anything? Is she gonna call the police again?” I shrugged. The doorbell rang right as he was about to continue worrying. I tried shooing him back into the bedroom since he was completely bare. But Steve felt like with a blanket around his hips nobody would be suspicious. Especially not if I was in a men's shirt. No seriously who would jump to conclusions, right?

I opened the door to a confused Sam. “Hey.” He gave Steve an irritated look. “I, eh forgot my keys.” Sam walked over to the island counter picking up his keys. “Wait did you guys fuck?!”

“Maybe.” Steve mumbled pulling my back against his chest. His friend just shook his head. “Anyway I'm meeting somebody Ava recommended to treat Bucky. Since she wouldn't go herself.” I chose to ignore his comment.

 


	9. Monster

"So you're on Tinder?" Steve looked alarmed. His ridiculous [mug](http://rlv.zcache.com/keep_calm_and_trust_your_captain_mug-r43af66ae89d54ef4a0487ac4538bc677_x76x5_8byvr_324.jpg), another one of Bucky's gifts, frozen halfway to his mouth. Natasha had sent me the link this morning probably to embarrass Steve. "Honorable1, huh. Why not, but your personal information makes you seem boring and old-fashioned." I said looking at the neat list.

**Ideal Date: dinner and a movie**

**Turn-on: honesty**

**Turn-off: dishonesty**

"Tony made it?" He said it so it sounded more like a question rather than a statement. Of course Tony made it. I nodded setting his phone down. "You know I'd still date you, though." Steve shook his head leaning in to softly capture my lips with his.

"Ugh, guys get a room." Sam uttered in a sleepy voice. He covered his eyes on the way to the coffee machine so he didn't have to endure our PDA. After I emptied my cup of tea I went to check on Bucky.

[ Monster ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhSA9H9Iaqw)

He was staring at his reflection in disgust. His shirt was on the floor while he traced the scars around the metal plating, watching himself do so in the mirror. He made such progress in the month I was staying with him but the arm still bothered him. Steve and I talked to Tony about the metal arm multiple times trying to figure out how it attached. Bruce and him were still analyzing the data the two had collected a few days ago.

“Bucky, please stop.” I whispered when he started to claw at the skin. “Please stop.” I said again, this time louder and much closer to him. Usually I was more careful. I knew better than to touch him during one of his self-hate episodes. Calling Steve in would have been smart, safe, he could take the hits like nothing happened, I couldn't.

Bucky elbowed me in the gut, knocking me to the ground. I gasped pressing my hands on my stomach. He didn't seem fazed, it was like he didn't even noticed that he hurt me. His eyes stayed glued to the mirror before lowering to his right hand which was balled into a fist. With one quick movement he smashed the mirror punching a hole into the wall.

“What the hell?!” Steve yelled as he stormed into the room. “Ava, did he hurt you?” I shook my head sitting up while suppressing a groan. Bucky turned around at the word _hurt_ he looked confused as if he hadn't been in his own body for the past five minutes. “Did I do that?” He asked in a small voice.

He sunk to the floor crushing mirror shards under his wight. His hands grabbed onto them. One turning them to dust the other staining them red. "You should have left me there to die. I'm a monster." Bucky's words were solely directed towards his friend. “No you're not.” Steve answered in an aggravated tone. He had heard it too often already. We both had.

If Tony hadn't offered to bring him to his lab run some tests and figure the arm out we would have been here sooner. We had barely averted the last crisis of this vicious circle. Bucky would make progress and then he reverted every once in a while. When he had a bad week every few days.

Bucky snorted. "I don't feel anything.” He pointed to his heart. “Not here and especially not there.” He brushed his finger over the metal arm. “I don't know what you are.” His eyes were fixed on Steve. “She, she's the only person that understands but not really." He sighed.

“I'll never be the person you knew Steve. He's gone. I tried going back to being him but I stopped being him such a long time ago, he's a stranger to me now. Ava knows how it feels to be broken, crushed.” To emphasize he crushed more mirror shards in his hand, blood dripping to the floor.

He was right I knew maybe not as well as he or Nat did but I knew. If they kick you long enough you'll eventually give up. And to repay your loss of self-respect they'll just keep kicking you even when your already down just to show you who's boss. Such an experience looms over you like the sword of Damocles.

“You always pretend to be a hero Steve, but you're a fraud. Do you get some sick pleasure out of watching me suffer through nightmares? The fact that I can't go out without the feeling of being watched constantly or see Ava try to calm me down after I had an anxiety attack? Do you like it when I ask all of you to check if every window or door is locked because I'm so used to being tracked down and frozen?”

His words were meant to hurt and nothing else. I could see the pain they caused Steve. Not just emotionally but physically. He turned to me briefly before staring at his hands. "Am I even human? I was a puppet for most of my life, programmed like a computer. This,” Bucky pointed at his left arm. “I didn't even know what happened but the first thing I did with it was try to kill somebody. So do you wanna tell me again that I'm no monster?”

Steve hunched forward no longer able to look at his friend. I immediately reached out trying to comfort him with a hug. “Just because you like something doesn't mean you love it and who could ever love me?" His tone was harsh and emotionless. I understood what he meant to say. _I'm your friend but he's your lover. You can't love me the way you love him because he stole your heart long ago._ A bitter laugh started building in his throat as he saw that I understood.

Several blue flares zipped past me hitting Bucky directly in the chest. Sam stood by the door I.C.E.R. in hand. “Thank god we have that thing. Remind me to extend my thanks to Agents Fitz and Simmons.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“It's been two hours and he still hasn't woken up.” Steve worried staring at the screen as if his intense stare could wake his friend up. Tony rubbed his eyes. “Sam said he shot him four times that'll take some time even for him.” Sara was standing within safe distance from them. I had called her after we got Bucky into the containment room.

We hadn't spoken in half a year only communicated via letters or emails. She was observing both Tony and Steve not so much me. My aunt knew what happened to me. She had requested my files after they found me, tried to treat me even. Sara was a psychologist formerly employed by the US Army but after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell and our blood relation to Hydra was revealed she was politely asked to leave. She used to work in LA but since my grandmother had gotten worse she came back.

Sara turned to me. “They're both suffering from PTSD. Captain Rogers and your other friend.” I just nodded, I knew that myself but Steve was to god damn stubborn to get treated. He did the preliminary stuff Fury had ordered but aside form that he kept saying it wouldn't change anything. Pills don't work on him so why should he even try.

“About the arm, it's internally wired.” Stark started rubbing his hand over his tired looking face again. “Meaning he only has full control because his muscles and nerves are all tied to the actual bionic arm. The metal is also directly grafted into his skin, partly encasing his bones and the stump of his severed arm. Which is why it's actually not just falling off. I can't do anything about it

aside form repairing it should it be damaged.”

“Sir, Dr. Banner has completed the DNA and blood analysis. He is on his way.”

“Thanks, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

The only things Bruce found out was that Steve's and Bucky's formula of super-soldier serum were quite similar but not identical. He also held a long and boring speech about gen mutation and shyly asked if I'd give him another blood sample since I had been injected by Hydra too. I quickly told him no, explaining that I knew exactly what the syringe contained. Steve laced his fingers with mine. Only very few people knew. It didn't make me feel less of a woman but it often seemed to make other people think that.

Yes, I couldn't have biological children but that didn't mean I could never have kids. My mother had been right about that, if you had nothing to live for you had an easier time scarfing yourself for the cause. I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten shot or stabbed as often if I had, had a reason not to like the idea of death at the very beginning of my training.

“He's awake.” Sara stated looking at the screen. I rolled my eyes. “Yes, thank you _mom_. We can see that.” Everybody but her looked at me weird even Steve. It was a habit since I was little. I had always called her mom because she raised me and Sara never had the heart to tell me not to call her that. Naturally I refused to call Sylvia mom. That knowledge taught me enough to know genetics don't equal motherly love.

"Attention Winter's coming." Tony quipped.

"Was that innuendo?" Steve asked slightly confused over the change of topic.

"Nah, he's just quoting Game of Thrones in reference to Bucky." I answered playing with his fingers.

Bucky's head was hung low, hair covering his face. He was in his most vulnerable state which was inconveniently coupled with violence and volatility. Steve pulled me closer to his chest. His muscles were tense as if he was ready to knock Bucky out the second he was spitting venomous words again. “Sergeant Barnes.” He looked up not really used to being addressed with his military rank. “I'm Dr. Sara Harris or if you prefer Corporal Harris.” Bucky tilted his head to the side looking at her like a confused kitten. “You raised Avery.” Was all he said. His hands were cuffed but if he wanted to get away not even Steve could really stop him. “Yes. I understand you've experienced a traumatic time, James. Is it okay if I call you James?” He nodded.

Sara had explained that addressing him with Bucky would just create more chaos in his mind. The Winter Soldier was already at war with Bucky Barnes no need to add to that.

“I'm here to help you process that. You are in full control of the situation, if you want to stop you tell me. I don't care with what you start. The only thing I want you to understand is that you need to get this off your chest. I will not judge you if you're worried about telling me your story, I treated Ava along with one of my colleagues who used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. She also suffered from PTSD like most everybody in this room.”

She didn't treat me that was a lie. I also didn't suffer from PTSD not according to the S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors. Sara _tried_ but it didn't work out, I was too far gone, only Dr. Garner got through to me.

That surely wasn't one of her most subtle jabs at Steve and Tony. I would probably hear it for days that I picked the second most unstable male in the entire tower aside from Bruce. “Would you like to start?” Bucky, sorry, James nodded again. Steve would have a hard time calling him that.

Sara and him left for another room to talk in private.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I was cuddling with Steve. The fingers of his left hand massaged my back, getting caught in my black hair every once in a while. My eyes were closed enjoying the small electric ripples running up my spine. I kissed his biceps every so often while my thumb drew constant circles on the back of his hand. The sharp clicking of high heels ripped me out of my trance. Sara stood in front of us smoothing down her knee length pencil skirt.

She looked tired which was understandable after a three hour session with James. I was probably never gonna get used to that. Steve looked at her expectantly as she rolled up the sleeves of her white blouse. "Two things.” She looked directly at him. “I would like you all to stay away from James especially you Captain Rogers."

“For how long?” Steve asked.

“As long as it takes, Captain and secondly a free diagnoses form me. You seek death and don't try to deny it you're a bad liar too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cap's [tinder](http://cptnstevens.tumblr.com/post/116994487711/what-would-the-avengers-online-dating-profiles) profile courtesy of Chris² (:  
> What my friend assumed [Bucky's nightmares](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuyaHvQAoVs) could look like. Kinda unrelated.
> 
> We are also getting closer to the Age of Ultron crossover that I've been planning since before I saw the movie.


	10. Therapy

Sara hadn't allowed me or anybody else to see James for the past week not that it mattered much. I was working most of the time, helping Hill with the recovery of Loki's scepter. Coulson apparently had a promising lead as well as a away into a Hydra facility. Steve and the other Avengers were constantly attacking or preparing for attack on Hydra bases which Hill had dug up with the help of S.H.I.E.L.D. Covertly of course, who'd want Gonzales on their doorstep.

Hydra never seemed to truly cease from existence. Every time we thought the job was done a new one popped up inexplicably.

Sam had made himself scarce ever since he had gotten a Bucky-ban as well. He lived in the apartment on his own now. Steve had moved back to the tower due to convenience, he still wanted his own place but he wasn't sure if he could find one. Since Gonzales was in charge I had lost my Agent status and now lived in my office at the Avengers Tower or with Steve when I actually made it to bed.

Which was actually not my choice. It was very dependent on whether Steve came looking for me and carried me to his room. I'd wake up in the morning not knowing how it got there until I either felt his arm around me or rolled over a small note he left.

Coulson had ensured me I'd be reinstated as an Agent as soon as he was back but I wasn't so sure. If that whole council thing stayed they might not want him back at all. My days consisted of mission assistance, watching James' therapy sessions and compiling a complete file about him for Sara.

I was asleep when Tony started singing over the secure line to the jet. “Hey, party's over. Time to work.” Startled I banged my head on the desk lamp. “What?” His face overlayed the observation room James was occupying. “You have keyboard imprints on your face. How long have you been asleep?”

“Since I started tipping with my face I guess.” My voice was deep and raspy from sleep. “I sent you a couple of files could you please check them. They are _sensitive_.” I opened the new documents, they were about the Winter Soldier. So that's what he meant. “Also, Sara has allowed me to host a movie night. She suggested Mulan and The Emperor's New Groove, could you get that ready too?”

“Sure, I'm a slave to you Stark. Why does that require Sara's permission?” I asked knitting my eyebrows. James had basically no human contact aside form her so why would she allow it now.

“Oh and tell J.A.R.V.I.S. to set up your movie night, though. I need to review the material you sent me in order to extend the personal file on James.” Tony forced a smile before putting on a straight face again. “I think you're the best at calling him that. Haven't slipped up once.”

I waved goodbye and closed the video chat. My head hurt and I was tired. James was pacing around his room. I decided to text Sara after he sunk down on the floor staring off in the distance.

 

**Can I see him?**

**Yes, no talking and don't find any loopholes I'll watch the feed.**

 

Tony had given her a broom closet sized office on the same floor as the containment area. It was mostly filled with screens enabling her to observe James form every angle.

I walked up to the glass separating the hallway from his cell. He didn't look up, he was watching the white wall. I knocked startling him. Ten days, it had been ten days since I last physically saw him. His head was tilted to the side a small smile in his lips. “Can you come in?”

I shook my head pressing my hand to the glass. Tony would later surly complain about that in some form. “Are you gonna be at the movie thing too?” Bucky, James asked plopping down on his bed. He was playing with the ties of his sweatpants while he waited for my answer. I just shrugged not sure if I was allowed to come.

“I told you I was watching, little lady. Visiting hours are over.” Sara was right behind me, her warm breath caused goosebumps to rise on my neck. I mouthed “Bye.” at him before turning around. I had work to do anyway. “I want her to stay.” He said angrily.

“You'll see her and Steve later.”

I snuck around the corner into her office. The screens showed me she was still talking to him. My fingers quickly curled around the notes for James' preliminary report. After bagging them I ran back to my office as inconspicuously as possible.

I was reading the report over and over again or more accurately the notes.

  * Sergeant Barnes displays erratic behavior

  * Shows signs of a split personality

  * Prescribed medicine has no effects

  * Violence

  * Solitude causes aggression

  * REFUSES to talk about his nightmares to anybody but Avery!!!

  * Self-destructive tendencies

  * Repeatedly asks to see Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson → views them as friends without the knowledge of what that means




 

The list went on mostly about how Sam, Steve and I had encouraged him to stay stuck and not move forward with his life. “You stole my notes after you saw him. Is that why you wanted to go?” Sara's voice was laced with anger.

It sounded exactly like the day I chose to leave her and my grandmother behind, to go my own way but it was also startlingly similar to the way she sounded when Coulson brought me back and she had somehow gotten her hands on my file.

I didn't answer not really knowing why I did it. To be fair who did she write that down for? Did she really think I'd believe her if she told me it was for Cap or Stark. It was probably a report for the government to determine if they could put him on trail.

Building a case against the Winter Soldier easy, but convicting James Barnes for actions he had no control over not so easy. The chances that they'd still try were high though.

“You can have them back. By the way thanks for blaming everything on Sam, Steve and me very thoughtful. At least we tried to help him.” She ripped the pages away from me and left her heels echoing on the floor. I sank back into my chair staring after her for a while.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

By the time Stark appeared in my office with an expecting look I was done with the file. I had moved on to making more notes on the possible location of the scepter. ”Ready for the horrors of debriefings presented to you by Captain America?” He jokes, well it wasn't a joke if you made it through the first five minutes without nodding off he had a good day.

But if he got tactical before hand you were screwed. Those bad power points really were something special. Also not recommending them. “Yeah, and sponsored by Stark Industries right?” Tony glared at me.

The debriefing was as always very boring and thankfully very short. Mostly due to the fact that Steve kept telling me to put the tablet away and pay attention. I didn't, I was busy watching James pace his cell, talking to himself. It at least looked like he was, since I couldn't turn up the sound I just assumed it.

He had thrown a bit of a tantrum before. Punching the glass repeatedly until he actually cracked it. “Right guys. We have a movie night to get too.” Tony announced before Steve could even conclude the meeting. Which earned him a nasty look form Cap.

 

Everybody had found a spot on one of the many couches in the home cinema of the tower. Nat was comfortably lying on her's fully stretched out, Clint sat on the floor leaning back against it. Bruce and Thor were sat on the one next to them while Sam and Rhodey were relaxing in two of the spacious armchairs. Hill was curled up in another casually talking to Sara about something. Tony and Pepper shared a love seat in the far corner comfortably cuddled up.

Steve and James were awkwardly settled on the only remanding couch not looking at each other. They had brought as much distance between them as the sofa allowed. Both having an elbow on the armrest, jaw perched up on their fists. “Did you two lose your ability to speak?” I asked as I sat down, placing the snacks on the small coffee table in front of us.

Steve's hand immediately rested on my thigh as if to show that I was his. I gave him a smile before turning to James. “How are you?” He looked at me with tired eyes, greasy strands of hair falling in his face getting caught on his five o'clock shadow. I pulled the hair-tie from my wrist, offering it to him.

Sara gave him a pointed look as he took it and tied his brown mane back. He swore under his breath as her gaze intensified. “Lonely.” James finally answered, brushing some strands away. I reached out to touch his cheek but stopped midair not sure if I should. Steve wasn't as hesitant as me he placed his hand on the other man's forearm slowly running it down to his hand giving it a soft squeeze. Just the lightest hint of a smile formed on James' face.

“Do you wanna cuddle?” Steve whispered to the both of us. His friend squeezed his hand as an answer while I just climbed over him, settling down on his right. I snuggled into Steve's side, resting my head on his broad chest. My arms encircling his waist.

James stretched out as best as he could, propping his head up on the other mans thigh. After resting his socked feet on the tabled Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and me, soothingly rubbing his left along the other super-soldier's spine. James reciprocated this by patting Steve's knee.

They both enjoyed Mulan, bodies rocking with laughter every time Mushu was on screen. The first time Tony heard James laugh he seemed shocked. As if he couldn't believe one of the deadliest assassins on the planet was capable of laughter. Steve on the other hand reveled in the sound, fondly smiling down at him.

Some time after Shan Yu showed up I felt metal fingers slide in between mine. "That guy's giving me the creeps." James whispered shyly. I nodded tracing the back of his cold hand.

 

During The Emperor's New Groove most of the others had fallen asleep while Steve and James were keenly following the film. We had switched positions between movies. I was now sat on Steve's lap with my legs extended on Bucky's. The two were eating cold popcorn and candy, eyes glued to the screen while I opted to watch them instead.

Their hands were intertwined resting on top of my knee. James shuffled around a lot as if to find a more comfortable position. A few minutes later he leaned up to Steve's ear in order to get his attention. As he turned his head James attacked him with a kiss.

Steve tensed before relaxing into the kiss and resting his hand on James' cheek. He was usually a dominant kisser but he held back worried he'd move to fast. I averted my eyes the fiercer it got, the more James pressed himself against his lover. In a way I felt left out, _jealous_. The credits were rolling and everybody still seemed to be sleeping soundly.

Steve broke the kiss panting lightly. “Your turn.” He mumbled, brushing my hair form my neck. He attached his lips to my throat causing me to giggle. I was very ticklish and even tough I trusted him with my life I still tended to shy away when he touched my neck. The fear of being choked to death had haunted my dreams since I was little.

James was smiling before he claimed my lips with his just as forcefully as Steve's. My fingers were tangled in the loose strands of hair at the nape of his neck while I tried matching his force. Steve alternated between nipping mine and James' pulse points. I could feel both their hands roaming my body occasionally brushing over the others.

“Maybe it's time for bed.” Sara uttered calmly although her eyes didn't match her tone. I broke away form James, starring at my hands. He quickly pecked Steve and me before getting up to leave with her.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

My hands gripped the blanket I had pulled up to my chin since the chilly New York air still flooded the room. Steve had insisted to keep the window open for whatever reason.

His bare chest was warm although the covers had been bunched up around his waist since he went to bed. He was like an oversized space heater. I tried going back to sleep but another shiver ran down my spine. I cuddled further into Steve's side. The cold air shouldn't even have been able to get there. As an answer I felt another body slide under the covers behind me.

“James?” I whispered softly. His metal hand came to rest on my stomach. “I didn't want to be alone.”


	11. Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age of Ultron spoilers for those who haven't seen the movie yet and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. tie-in explained. Also SMUT same as always the lines are there for a reason. Experimental Bucky's POV, feedback would be much appreciated.

“It's gonna be fine I promise.” James sighed loudly before answering. “You took one day to prepare the mission, Steve! One day. Let me come with you.”

“No, you stay here with Ava and Hill it'll be fine. I'll come back in one piece and don't start with the intel being bad again...”

“James, it's coming from one of the most trustworthy people within S.H.I.E.L.D. The scepter is in Sokovia with von Strucker and Dr. List. It'll be a quick job, they'll be back in no time.” I gave Steve a sideways glance to make sure he'd shut up. Coulson had sent the files to Hill yesterday night, he'd given up the Bus for them, his most prized possession blown to bits to stop Hydra.

James slumped into the wall behind him scratching his chin. “I still don't like it.” Steve glanced around the hallway before leaning down for a kiss but he pulled back almost immediately. “You've been smoking.” Steve remarked. James rolled his eyes before passively stating that it calmed him down.

I had walked in on him smoking this morning. Out of shock he had thrown the cigarette out and smashed the window shut so hard it came loose. After awkwardly apologizing he lit another, blowing the smoke into the brisk morning air.

“C'mon Captain Flirty, we got some bad guys to destroy.” Tony yelled walking around the corner. I leaned up to kiss Steve. “See you in the afternoon.” He saluted me before cracking a smile.

“Tomorrow morning, ma'am.” James snorted prior to being shut up by Steve's lips. Stark stood frozen as he watch the two men kiss.

When Steve jogged to the Quinjet James yelled after him. “That uniform is doing wonders for your ass.” His arm snaked around my waist so he could pull me into him. “What should I do with such a pretty dame?” He mumbled pressing a kiss to my temple.

“I'm sorry, tiger, but I have a meeting with Commander Williams. For which I'm late now.” He was frowning even after I quickly pressed my lips to his. I understood, he probably felt like we left him standing in the rain.

Williams was ever the asshole as I came to know him during Basic. He nagged about the fact that S.H.I.E.L.D. still protected James and my aunt not having given an informative report. After I called him out on the government trying to make a case he'd told me it be flimsy. “Barnes would go free within five minutes.” His demeanor made it clear that he wanted James gone, locked up in a max security cell to never see the light of day again. If Williams had been in charge Blonsky would have to share his cryo-cell by tomorrow.

 

➵ ➵ ➵ **Bucky's POV➵** **➵** **➵**

I sat on Steve's bed, starring out the window or occasionally at my folded hands, metal and flesh. I still despised the metal one but neither Avery nor Steve minded. She was outside, talking to Pepper. “Did Tony try to buy Rhode Island again?” Ava asked. Pepper sighed loudly. “No, that reminds me he'll try and rename it to Rhodey Island around James' birthday again.” My hearing perked up at the mention of my name but it didn't feel like mine. It felt more like a temporary one I went by to avoid confusing myself more. “I'm worried about Tony too.” She continued.

“He'll be fine he has Steve and Natasha to protect him.” I could here them laugh quietly but quickly went back to looking out the window instead of eavesdropping on them.

Really I knew who I wanted to be. I had never been as good as Steve and I'd never be but I wanted to help people, make up for what I'd done over the decades. To me it didn't matter if I was in control or not it was still me who killed those people. Natasha had told me once I was better I could start clearing out all the red, safe people, protect the world.

I wanted to go back to being Bucky, not James not the Winter Soldier just Bucky. But I couldn't, the new Bucky needed to be the perfect balance between James and the Winter Soldier.

“What are you thinking about?” Her voice startled me but she always did. Avery was as quiet was a cat, never making one sound when she walked up to someone. I knew it was due to her training but it still took me by surprise every time. “Steve, I'm worried about him.” It was only half a lie but her stoic expression told me she still noticed. I enjoyed the fact that she understood, she knew Steve well enough to know no amount of serum could save him from himself. Ava sauntered towards me, again making no sound.

She was breathtaking, like Steve. I knew I was staring but I couldn't care less. My eyes raked over her slender body. Her tight skinny jeans hugged her long toned legs. Usually I would have made a joke but seeing as mine were almost as tight she'd give it right back.

Her breasts looked amazing in the tight blue tank top. The first two buttons were undone which revealed just a little too much cleavage for a work environment. Well anywhere but the Avengers Tower anyway.

As soon as she noticed my gaze she covered them up with her flannel. Ava's jet black locks were in a messy braid, most strands already loose form touching it too much. She was worried about Steve too, I didn't need a verbal answer for that. Her emerald-green eyes showed it.

When she sat down her left hand immediately slipped in mine. It was part of the deal we had worked out. Both her and Steve had promised they'd take it slow, that I was the center of the relationship for now. Slow, that was not something I wanted. Maybe Sara was right, maybe I didn't know what emotions were but I knew I was in love.

The past few days I'd been thinking about them a lot. If I had to go to war all over again I wouldn't just take a picture of Steve. Maybe I'd take one of those Sam had made a while back or the one Natasha had taken yesterday evening during tactical briefing. It was of Steve and Ava laughing about something Tony had said.

She squeezed my hand jolting me out of my thoughts. “You're daydreaming again, sweetie.” Ava uttered trying out yet another cringe worthy pet name. To be fair she did it in retaliation of me calling her princess earlier.

“You look beautiful, baby doll.” Avery smiled, kissing my cheek. I'd rather she would have kissed my lips. When I looked at her lips all I could think about was how it would feel if she kissed me the way she had kissed Steve before he left. He'd looked stunned, breathless, like he was never gonna let her leave him.

Tony made a witty remark but feel silent when he pressed his lips to mine. It felt equally bruising and desperate as the way he had responded to her. I could feel her thumb trace over my pointer finger softly, rhythmically. It turned me on. I silently scolded myself for reacting like a horny teenager. She noticed too, withdrawing her hand.

Even though I immediately tried to distract myself with unappealing images I grew harder. Ava fell back on the bed smiling up at me. "Tell me what you want."

I inwardly cursed Sara for basically ordering everybody to remind me that I should voice my desires. Avery just used that to her advantage and if she did Steve would as well.

"я хочу тебя." I mumbled knowing she wouldn't understand it.

 

➵ ➵ ➵ **Avery's POV➵** **➵** **➵**

“English would have been preferred.” I retorted tracing my fingers up and down his forearm. The days I hadn't been with him had shown me that I loved him as more than just a friend. It hurt seeing him pace around but not being able to comfort him.

At first I though it was guilt for calling Sara and basically locking him away from everybody else but after I told Steve I loved him I realized that I'd fallen for James too. He exhaled loudly before laying down next to me. “I could hurt you.”

“So could Steve, he didn't.” He rolled onto his side to face me. His pupils were blown and fixed on my lips. I smiled tracing his bottom lips with my thumb. James opened up sucking the tip into his mouth. His bionic arm reached up to my braid pulling the elastic off as soon as I leaned over him.

“I'm not Steve, what if...”

“Suit yourself.” I answered moving away, pushing my hair out of my face. James groaned covering his face in his hands. “That's not how I meant it, I want to but...”

“God, you don't have to go full on Fifty Shades of Grey on me which by the way I'd probably shoot you for.” He laughed, tugging my flannel down to press a few kisses to my shoulder blade. “Pretty sure you'd actually stud me with knifes until I looked like a porcupine. You've always been the knife type.” I hummed in response, leaning deeper into his touch.

* * *

 

I was pretty sure his idea of sex was similar to Steve's, hard and fast. I turned facing him. He stared into my eyes for a little while as if he was searching for something. His metal hand brushed a few strands of hair from my face before weaving into it.

James crashed his lips to mine in a rough kiss. Rougher than those Steve liked to give if he was sick of other man's hungry eyes. My hands clutched onto James' t-shirt before smoothing over the planes of his chest. He hastily shoved my shirt off my shoulders quickly breaking the kiss to get my tank top over my head.

After tugging off his own he leaned in again. I kissed him back, biting his lower lip and lightly sucking on it. He groaned against my lips, tongue battling mine, exploring my mouth. James' dominance was quickly established as he basically smothered me with his body, hips unceremoniously bucking against mine.

His fingers had slight difficulty unhooking my bra which seemed to give his confidence a hard blow. But he recovered quickly, mouthing at my neck, starting to mark me as his. As soon as he reached my nipples, sucking and softly biting at them all I was capable of was moaning and groaning.

James' metal hand held me down by my waist while his other moved from massaging my breast down my stomach. My own were clawing at his back holding him in place, never wanting the kiss to end. He quickly worked the zipper of my jeans, pushing them down my legs.

He didn't bother removing my underwear, he just thrust his hand in tracing his fingertips over my outer lips. “You're soaking wet. You really enjoy when I play with those gorgeous tits of yours, don't you?” He husked, plunging a finger into me. I moaned so loudly I was sure the entire tower could hear me.

“More.” I whimpered, pulling his face to mine again. He complied adding a second finger before pressing his thumb down on my clit. Most of my moans were silenced by James' mouth but when his cold metal fingers started to trace over my nipples I was gone, desperately fucking myself on his fingers. He backed up enjoying the few. His chest was flushed and marked with red lines where I dragged my nails over it.

“As much as I enjoy this I'd rather you come with me inside you.” My hands basically flew to the top of his jeans but he quickly swatted them away showing his reaming clothes down in one go. His cock was an angry red color, leaking precome.

He dropped to his elbows, staring into my eyes. I could feel his tip against my entrance wanting nothing more than for him to ram into me. “Ready?” I nodded wrapping my legs around his waist, giving him a slight nudge. James thrust in, in on swift move stilling as soon as he was buried hilt deep. “Боже мой. You feel amazing. Ugh, so tight.”

His head was resting on my collarbone, face hidden behind a dark curtain of hair. I ground my hips up against his to test the waters. He immediately let out a breathy groan before setting a merciless pace. “Fuck.” I basically shouted when he hit my g-spot.

“Say my name.” He panted snapping his hips faster. I had barely breathed out a 'J' when he stopped me. “No, no call me _Bucky_ , please doll. Say Bucky.” His voice was strained and desperate matching his thrusts. They were already a little sloppy as he tried to give me as much stimulation as he could. “Harder, Bucky.” He obeyed pushing into me with just the right amount of force.

His right thumb pressed down onto my clit while the other held me down. James' eyes were fixed on my bouncing breasts flickering up to my eyes every once in a while. “Play with your tits for me, princess.” My hands were on my chest with in seconds kneading them, paying extra attention to my nipples. Tweaking and rolling the little buds.

I was so close all I could do was whisper his names like a prayer in between moans. “So fucking close, baby doll.” He sped up on last time, hammering into my g-spot with every thrust. I felt the tingling sensation raise and then it swallowed me like a tidal fave. Bucky filled me up a few seconds later prolonging his orgasm with a few shallow thrusts before collapsing onto me. Hot breath fanning out on my neck.

* * *

 

I wasn't sure how long we lay like this but he maneuvered us under the covers with my head on his chest. His arms around my waist and chin resting on my hair. Bucky was humming contently. “я люблю́ тебя́.” He mumbled into my hair. It was one of the thew Russian phrases I understood.

“I love you too.” When I looked up at him he seemed surprised maybe because I knew what he said or because I reciprocated his feelings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> я хочу тебя: I want you.  
> Боже мой: Oh my god.  
> я люблю́ тебя́: I love you.


	12. It Comes Back To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically no, spoiler here ;) It takes place in between these three days to the party that everybody was just doing nothing but Bruce and Tony as it seemed.

The mattress dipped down ever so slightly under the weight of Steve's hands. His lips barely touched my forehead but it still woke me. I rose my head from the covers I had been cuddling with in my sleep. “Hey, baby.” He whispered softly stroking his thumb over my cheekbone.

“Hi, when did you get back? Everything okay?” I asked worried. Steve was till in his stealth suit so he couldn't have been back for long. “Half an hour. Not exactly, we encountered enhanced people in the field you wouldn't happen to know anything about that.” I shook my head. “Clint was hit. Dr. Cho just patched him up. How have you and Bucky,” He broke of cursing lightly. “Fucking hell _James_ been. If I read the signs right you had some fun.”

“Would have been even hotter had you been here.” I smirked.

“Next time, but I need to sleep. Sokovia and back in twenty-four hours is not something I like to do for fun.” After shimmying out of his uniform and throwing some of James' and my clothes at me he settled down next to the naked man. His hand rubbed up and down the others back.

James growled, burying his face deeper into the pillow. Steve brushed the dark hair from Bucky's neck before pressing his lips to the exposed skin. Both his hands rested on his friends sides and back. "Keep your cold extremities off of me." He mumbled over his shoulder, eyes half closed.

“My bad Mr. Barnes but would you mind putting your boxers back on. I wanna sleep and I really don't want your junk rubbing up my leg.”

“No, you wanna have that somewhere else for sure.” James rolled over, metal arm covering his eyes. “Don't be a jerk, Buck. Fuck, sorry.” Bucky waved the comment off, saying it was fine. Even told him how hot it had been when I called him that while he was pounding into me. Steve shifted somewhat uncomfortably at the detailed description he was given.

“Sorry, you wanted to sleep.” He smirked wickedly, voice dripping with mischief. The sexual tension between them was so thick you could cut it with a knife. James tore his eyes away from his pray, casting them in my direction. He bit his lip, worrying it with his top teeth. “Fuck, baby doll. You look so good in my shirt,” His eyes flickered back to Steve. “How about round two?”

Two could play this game well technically three. I walked my fingers up his chest. “Maybe, but the Captain wants to sleep so.” Steve groaned to my left as Bucky grabbed a handful of my ass.

“Stevie, you should see the way she reacts when...”

“Seriously, I need some sleep you two.”

“Come here, punk.” Steve nestled his head in the crook of James' neck awkwardly cuddling into the older ones protective arms.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

The sound of J.A.R.V.I.S. calmly telling you to report to missions control was never a nice sound to wake up to but knowing that all Avengers but two were either out, busy or recovering made it worse.

Steve had hastily thrown over a shirt and some jeans while Bucky opted for a pair of sweats and a plaid shirt that was definitively from Steve's grandpa period. Nat and I were both in pajama shorts and a t-shirt. Only Hill was dressed impeccably as always.

“Hayley Duchene, Canadian-American. Codename: Siren. She's credited for seven assassinations in the last decade primarily as a side kick to this woman.” A blurry image of a blonde woman appeared next to Hayley's.

“Frostbite.” I cut in tempted to take over Hill's presentation. "You know her?" Steve asked. I knew her alright even if rather just from Rumlow's impressed words. “Don't you remember Rumlow and Rollins rambling about her all the time? How she vanished in 2011 after suddenly appearing two years earlier?” He shook his head.

“Military background that's all the world really knows. Her specialty was the white death. None of her victims has ever been found or heard of again. The EU has tired to put her on trail several times but due to lack of evidence and her unknown identity every attempt has been unsuccessful.” Hill threw some more security camera shot on the screen for everybody to see. It was just the back or the side of a head, sometimes with blonde hair other times with black or brown even red.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is the only organization that has any photographs of her. Fury ordered a surveillance package in late 2010 which was followed by a strike on the base she was trained at.” I dreaded the photos she'd show next. Only so many people knew, really just a hand full.

A body count half as high as the Winter Soldier's. Over a dozen people, dead because of me. I wasn't sure if not being able to make a conscious decision made it worse or better. James wasn't in control, I was, had always been.

Steve gasped, gripping the steel table so tightly it bent under his fingers. He was hypnotizing the clear shot of my face as if he was a snake looking at its pray. James was way more under control he didn't even look surprised. “Just to get that straight Fury put me on a team with _two_ assassins and a bunch of Hydra guys.”

Nobody answered him. Both Nat and Hill had known about it long before Steve was defrosted. “That's how you made it to level 5 so quickly, you had all the training just needed to proof your loyalties. Why wouldn't you tell me?”

“Same reason you don't tell me everything you did during the war. C'mon Steve I know you killed people too. Fine I was basically a gun for hire but...”

“Did you know they were Hydra?”

“NO!!!” I yelled at him, I could feel the tears threatening to escape my eyes.

➵ ➵ ➵ **2011 ➵** **➵** **➵**

“Are you okay?” I nodded at the red haired woman, Natasha that's what she said her name was. The Agent following me had brought me to her a couple days prior. Her and two men, Coulson and Barton. “Thank you again for cooperating.”

Again I just nodded, I didn't do it for her or anybody else but me. I had killed enough probably innocent people to know how heavy guilt felt. Weight you down like a walrus. _Redemption_ that's why I agreed to help them take down the camp and the Vault, Hydras personal Red Room. Even more efficient than the KGB version.

They worked with a simple slogan: Compliance will be rewarded. It hadn't taken them long to break me, after a year I was sent on my first mission. “The other one, Hayley, she got away. I'm sorry.”

“She has been here all her life. Would have been surprised if you got her.” Natasha's posture was rigged and she seemed uncomfortable. She wanted to ask something but stopped herself.

“Miss Harris, we'd like to bring you back to the States. You can decide from there.” Coulson said voice calm but laced with just the slightest hint of worry.

“I feel like it's too much to ask but I'd like to use my skill set for good. Do you think...” I wasn't looking at him in fear of being disappointed.

“Absolutely, I will have a word with the Director as soon as we are back.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“Fury hadn't been all too happy about Coulson recruiting an assassin with unknown loyalties. To him she was a lose cannon.” Natasha said in Steve's direction. “She'd gone straight, saved the world instead of destroying it. Ava is on our side, Steve.”

Hill cleared her throat. “You can discuss this later back on topic. Duchene landed in New York yesterday evening, she has been seen primarily around the Avengers Tower and other places Avery likes to frequent. S.H.I.E.L.D. assumes she's here for revenge.”

“Sure, that sounds like her. Almost killed me once 'cause I waited a few seconds before killing the target. I'll be bait, Nat and Cap catch her – job's done.” I retorted nonchalantly. Natasha nodded in agreement and even Steve did only with slight hesitance. “No, we'll be bait and they catch her.” Bucky argued. “Thanks but I can take care of myself.”

“Jamie, she's right. You'll just scare her off.” Natasha said with an edge in her voice. She wasn't over the fact that he had shot her twice but played it off as if she was. Steve sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Buck, you go with Ava. Nat you stay with me and we'll take this Siren down.” He spoke in his Cap voice which never left much room to argue.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“You know that Steve was right on the other side of the street when you got that tattoo right?” James looked down at the black ink on his wrist. It was covered by saran wrap which he had been told not to take off for another two hours though his fingers were visibly itching to rip it off. He had gotten a simple black design, [the Howling Commandos insignia](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/42/70/93/427093e678584729a8e3b9d8e8559518.jpg).

His metal arm was concealed under Steve's leather jacket, he frequently borrowed, so he wouldn't draw attention to himself. Hayley had been following us since we left the tattoo parlor. I had caught her refection in one of the shop windows a while back, she looked upset. She sat at a table to Bucky's right, face buried in a book she was clearly not reading.

The appeal that earned her the name Siren had been lost over the years as it seemed. She looked much older than me despite being three years younger, maybe that was the toll of running. Hayley jumped at the sound of the bell and even more so when she saw Steve. I watched her reaction as he pressed a kiss to Bucky's lips before kissing my cheek.

She was so surprised that her eyebrows were almost level with her hairline. After we had ordered Steve seemed to be very determined to find out everything about my training. “Just one last thing. Where was that camp?”

“South of France, in an abandoned village in the Provence.” We made small talk for a few more minutes, trivial things like the weather and politics much to Steve's horror. But these topics bored us quickly so we opted to scan our surroundings. Or in Steve's case eye-fuck his significant other. "Is that sharpie on your arm?"

Bucky nodded looking down on the messy red and blue circles around his communist star. Now visible because he took off the jacket."You look like a Cap fan boy. No offense Steve." He still glared at me since I suspected he had the idea to draw them in the first place.

"What was I before, a walking billboard for communism?" Steve and I tried to hide our smiles, happy that he had found his humor again. James seemed comfortable, giving us a wolfish grin. “Touché. Steve did you know Coulson got your shield tattooed on his upper left arm?”

He shook his head, sipping his coffee. He checked his watch every few minutes too. “Buck, we need to go it's getting late.” Steve mumbled voice laced with so much urgency it was almost comical. His acting had not improved since joining S.H.I.E.L.D.

“For bingo, grandpa?” I giggled. “Yeah, for bingo. You know how it is with old people.”

“I should probably go too. I'll just finish up my tea. You go ahead I can't have you miss your big game night.” They nodded saying their goodbyes before leaving hand in hand. Hayley had put down her book, getting ready to leave.

She was hot on my heels as soon as I exited the coffee shop. Her scrawny hands pushed me into the alleyway next to the building. Hayley perched a gun under my chin before speaking. “Long time now see, Frostbite.” Her eyes were glazed over as if she was high on something, maybe murder.

“I'd prefer to continue that trend.” I twisted her arm forcing her to drop the gun before kneeing her in the gut. She toppled back when I kicked her in the ribs for good measures. Hayley was about to run out of the alley but she crashed right into Nat's extended arm. “Told you guys she could handle it on her own. Boyfriends, always so overprotective.” She tisked.

“Come on up, lady. CIA is on their way to pick you up.” Steve said brashly cuffing her with a zip tie. He shoved her against the next dumpster, holding her there. “Do you really think they can keep me locked away?” Hayley almost yelled.

“Matter of fact we do but where is the duct tape, her voice bugs me.” Bucky mused, taking the tape from Natasha.

Agent Hauser seemed to be relieved that the very dangerous assassin Siren was now in custody though he wouldn't have said no to take Nat, James and me with him as well. He seemed to have wanted a promotion pretty badly.


	13. Warriors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating sooner but I didn't feel like writing and I'd rather not post anything I'll rewrite 10 times just because my heart wasn't in it. For anybody who hasn't seen Age of Ultron yet this is a recap of the movie which is why it's longer than the other chapters,

"Somebody tell me why Stark whispers 'God bless America' every time he eats a Dorito." Steve mumbled. Bucky was watching Game of Thrones barely acknowledging him.

"Because you have a Dorito ratio." He mumbled finally looking away from the screen.

"Adonis ratio." I said as I entered balancing several awfully stacked cartons of take out in my arms along with two six packs of beer. “Get your facts straight, Barnes.” He stuck out his tongue, making grabby hands at the food. James sighed pausing the episode before he started to examine the labels on the sides. “This one's boring.”

“The entire fist season is boring.” I said opening a beer bottle. Steve hummed in agreement to be fair he never made it past the tenth episode. “Wait a second, Tony and Bruce haven't come out of that lab since you got back two days ago. So how do you know he whispers that stuff?”

“Went to check on them. How long has he been doing that, anyway?” I shrugged taking a sip of my beer. “Since he discovered your upper half looks like a triangle. He had that epiphany when he was eating Doritos and then he started whispering that every time he opens a bag. Seems like he reached a new extreme though.”

Bucky grabbed my bottle taking a large gulp. “Was it that one time he annoyed me with his loud chewing?” I was about to take back my bottle when Steve reached for it, guzzling it down like water. “You are both aware that his beverage is alcoholic right?”

“Still has about as much effect as a glass of water.” Steve said with a bitter undertone. James cleared his throat gesturing to the table. “What is all this stuff, I can't pronounce the half of it.”

“Doesn't matter it's from that Thai place two blocks down.” Steve rambled digging through the boxes to find his order. He moved a container with soup towards his friend. “Here try it. I though you might like that.” Bucky warily eyed the broth with noodles and vegetables.

I poured some of the dressing over my salad while he still examined his soup. “What is that and how do I eat it without a spoon?”

“Miso soup, you fish out the veggies and stuff with the chop sticks and then drink the broth. Maybe don't slurp as much as Steve.” To demonstrate I picked a tomato out of my salad while Steve made an unintelligible comment about his slurping into the depths of his cup.

We ate in silence for less than two minutes. Bucky's suppressed swearing got louder. He couldn't seem to pick up his vegetables. "How did you two find each other anyway? I mean I know you didn't show up on his doorstep." I tried to distract him before he smashed the cup under his metal hand.

"Brooklyn Bridge." Bucky almost growled as the slice of carrot swam away from him again.

Steve nodded drowning his sushi in soy sauce. He avoided all the other condiments like the plague especially the sriracha. “Darling,” Steve's hearing perked up. “Could you not eat all the food I asked you to order for _me._ ”

“The guy wouldn't listen when I said not sushi with fish. You want some, Buck?” The other man, who had now twirled his noodles around his chop sticks, nodded. “Looks easier to eat.” He mumbled before aggressively trying to spear his vegetables.

In his defense Steve eating the fish was a noble sacrifice since I hate fish more than anything. Bucky didn't seem impressed by the sushi and quickly moved on to the box of curry Steve placed in front of him. I turned on the TV trying to find something other than Tony on very kind of talk show aired in the US. “Can you leave that I wanna know what he says about me.”

“Watch it online I'm not enduring his boasting when I have the choice to watch a World War II documentary about how heroic Captain America was.” Both Steve and Bucky groaned in unison. “What? You rather see a Cold War one with new exclusive, never seen before information? Or better a documentary about any of the Stark's no matter if Howard or Tony.”

“Neither, why do you like documentary's so much?”

“Knowledge is power.” I said taking another sip of beer.

After a long pause I mumbled, “We should go shopping tomorrow you know before the party starts. I think Thor went today.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Shopping was a disaster. Bucky said nothing but 'okay'. Whether regarding to look around if he liked something, if he was hungry or thirsty. Didn't matter all he said was _okay_. He didn't even seem to distinguish between questions that required different answers. “Did you see anything you want?” Steve asked quietly. James didn't answer just wrapped his arms around Steve's midsection. His eyes flickered back to the leather jackets. Both Steve and him seemed to have an affinity with them.

After half an hour Steve finally managed to get an answer other than okay out of Bucky. He reluctantly admitted that, yes he liked the black leather jacket and that he'd like to have it. The later he voiced very hesitantly. As if he expected Steve to ask only to say no.

Steve basically bounded for the check out as soon as Bucky said yes just in case he changed his mind.

➵ ➵ ➵ **Steve's POV➵** **➵** **➵**

Thor's farewell party was packed with people, mostly just Tony's friends, some politicians and scientists that both him and Bruce knew. I had only invited a few veterans and Sam. As far as I knew Thor's invitations had all been turned down due to scheduling conflicts. Even Darcy who had been so eager to meet the rest of us bailed on him since Jane needed her.

My eyes wandered to Ava and Bucky. She was beautiful in her royal blue dress. Her black [hair](http://aelida.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/big-smooth-waves.jpg) was open falling down her back in it's usual long waves. No wonder Bucky steadily kept his hand on her waist. He was nursing a glass of Bourbon while she nipped at a flute full of purple liquid. Tony had imported the stuff from Europe for her birthday which wasn't until next months but she'd broken into the good stuff early. She said it was sparkling wine with violets. Elizabeth, her grandmother, liked to drink wine in all forms really. Maybe she had inherited her taste for it.

I had only met Elizabeth once. Shortly after her heart attack but she sure as hell didn't believe I couldn't get drunk. "Even of you need to drink my wine cellar dry?" She had asked. Avery had hid her face in her hands chanting "Grandma, please stop." over and over.

I continued watching them from a distance. It was fun to see Bucky fail at stealing a kiss and out of frustration refilling her glass after every sip. Sam was roaming around the party somewhere. I kept a steady look out for him too but I hadn't yet seen him aside from the time he talked with Tony.

Once I looked back at them she was holding the bottle of wine shoving it down the bar. Bucky whispered something into her ear and took another swig of Bourbon. She covered her red face in her hands what ever he had said must have been about as suggestive as our first meeting was embarrassing.

➵ ➵ ➵ 2012 **➵** **➵** **➵**

"Hi, I'm Agent Harris, sir... eh Mr. America, oh god I mean Mr. Steven... No, no Rogers. Damn that's what I wanted to say, Captain Stevens... What? America, Rogers... I'm so sorry, sir, Captain."

She covered her beet red face with her long dark hair before hiding behind her cardboard boxes. " _Fuck_ , I should just shut up. Oh sorry, you can call me Ava if you want." Avery awkwardly extend her hand while balancing her boxes on her leg. "Steve." I said stretching out my hand to shake hers.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Bucky sent a smug grin her way. His bionic hand was resting on her thigh now, still hidden form wandering eyes. One of the younger guest walked towards them, he leaned on the bar behind her. As far as I could see he was sizing up his competition. I inched closer in order to follow their conversation.

The man must fave said something since I barely caught Ava's answer. "Thank you, Harvey but I'm good." Her voice was icy something the guy didn't pick up on. "You a veteran or just a colleague of that hot red head or that big headed American idiot?"

Avery turned to face him, one of her sweetest smiles on her face. "World War II veteran actually and yes he's the best friend of that _big headed American idiot_." Harvey seemed to catch on. "And I'd suggest you don't try and hit on my best friend or I'll gladly help her torture and dispose of you."

The guys eyebrows shot up to his hairline, mouth gaping. One stern look from Bucky he scurried off like a spooked animal.

 

➵ ➵ ➵ **Avery's POV➵** **➵** **➵**

“You mind if we leave? I had enough of this party.” Bucky asked. I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “And I'm sick of this bun. Why did Tony insist I had to have a _formal_ bun.” I got up tugging on his hand. “C'mon we can go for a walk then come back up. But first we need to tell Steve and Sam before they get worried.”

After telling Steve and finally Sam who had been deep in conversation with Rhodey we left the tower. I had to keep pulling Bucky after me which was surprisingly difficult even when he didn't resist. “Where are we going?”

“Did Steve ever tell you about the day you fell?” Bucky stopped in his tracks.

“Sorry poor choice of words. Did he ever tell you about the gravestone he made? I don't know where it is exactly but before the battle of New York he told me about it. Steve carved your name into a rock so nobody would forget you.”

“No, he never told me.” I tugged on his arm again. “Come I wanted to show you something else. We're almost there.”

The cool wind blew some strands of hair in my face which I quickly tucked behind my ear. We stopped in front of the former New York HQ. Bucky stared up at the skyscraper. “Isn't this illegal?” He asked sounding concerned. “Nah, I have a key.” I held the key up to his face before I unlocked the door. I stopped in front of the Wall of Valor. Stepping closer to the early deaths, looking at the top of the first column. Bucky followed my example.

Surprise was written all over his face when he saw _J. Barnes_ engraved into the stone. His fingertips traced his name before his eyes spotted another. “Steve's on that wall too.”

I nodded leaning in closer to him. “Because to Peggy’s knowledge you both died. His name was never removed which resulted in Steve walked past a memorial to himself every day. Every S.H.I.E.L.D. facility has one of those, your name is in every one of them and Steve...” I trailed off.

“Sometimes he'd stand by the one in the Triskelion and just stare at your name for a few minutes. He was the most vulnerable when he looked at the memorial. You could see the raw pain in his eyes, on his face.”

Bucky nodded eyes scanning for more familiar names. “When the Smithsonian exhibit opened it was impossible to peel him away from that memorial of yours. He literally refused to leave.” I checked my phone seeing a text message from a few minutes ago.

**Sam**

**Where are you?**

**Former S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ why?**

**Sam**

**You need me?**

**Nah we're good.**

**Sam**

**Fine I'll had home then.**

**K, sleep tight.**

“When I went there after you told me about it... I knew they guy on the picture was me, that man's life story was mine but it felt wrong. All wrong.” I listened quietly, arms wrapped around his waist. “You know why Natasha is so sacred of me?” I shook my head.

“When they had a relatively strong handle on me I trained her for just the briefest of times. Natalia only knew me as James or the Winter Soldier so she never connected the dots.”

“She hasn't talked about the Red Room in a long time... But her serum, the Black Widow serum it stems from yours, yes?” All for a sudden I was eager to know more about her past about what he could tell me about my friend. About what they did to her, to him and to me.

“I would think so. When I shot her near Odessa she knew who I was. To the people I worked for she went rouge so they didn't care if she lived or died. Deep down I couldn't do it, kill her I mean. Now the only thing she associates with me is pain and bullet wounds.” He gave a self-depreciating laugh.

“We would have been better off hadn't I let her kiss me. God, Steve would lose his head if he knew.”

I sighed. “You should tell him, before somebody else does or Nat feels guilty for keeping it from him and drops the bomb on him. Steve tends to unknowingly guilt trip you with out even trying to.”

Bucky didn't tell Steve that night since he was seething with anger of Tony's newest invention going rouge and trying to kill humanity. What a _lovely_ way to end a party.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Steve called after the salvage yard fiasco. Bucky asked him about ten times if he was save and, or hurt. Steve assured him he was save and uninjured equally as many times. Only then did he finally calm down and started threaten Steve to put him into bubble-wrap. Since Steve was on speaker I could hear his annoyed reply. “I'm not skinny and sickly anymore. You can stop threatening to wrap me up like I'm a fine china tea set.”

“But I love you.” Bucky mumbled next to me. Steve stayed silent for a few seconds allowing Tony to showcase his beautiful singing from under the shower. “I love you too.”

The two of them played a game of 'I love you more' for a brief period of time until Steve was so annoyed he yelled, “ _Fine_ , I hate you.” Bucky pouted at the phone although Steve couldn't see him. “Anyway I want you to be save until we figure out our next move. Maybe stay at your grandmothers house and take Sam will you? I don't want to worry about him.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I was cutting fresh flowers in the garden when I heard somebody walk up to the fence. “Oh, my god Avery is that you? I haven't seen you in forever.” I cringed as I heard the shrill overly sweet voice – Leia. One of my least favorite high school colleges, _ever_. “Ugh, hi. Leia right?” I stuttered pretending to have forgotten her – I wished that were possible. “How are you? What have you been doing?” She asked eagerly.

Thank god my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I held up my finger while I pulled it out. “Sorry gotta get that, work.” I swiped my thumb over the screen. “Fury activated Theta Protocol. We need you to get back to New York as soon as you can. They'll pick us up at the HQ.”

I nodded while I listened. “Sure I'll get going right away. Bye.” Leia looked at me expectantly. “Gotta run. Maybe we'll see each other again.” In thought I added, _I sure as hell hope not_.

I was already at the porch when she yell after me, “Yes, maybe we can have coffee sometime soon.”

My weapons and spare tactical gear were upstairs in a duffel bag which I quickly grabbed and bounded down the stairs again. My grandmother tried to make friendly conversation with Bucky and Sam in the kitchen. "Does anyone want some snacks? Doritos, maybe."

"Grandma." I hissed form the hallway as I grabbed my jacket. "Speaking of, Captain Dorito's on the line. He want's to talk to you." Sam semi-yelled in my direction. “I'm kinda busy with S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff right now.” I yelled back.

“Ultron kidnapped Nat.” I froze before walking into the kitchen. “He did what?!”

“Took Nat. This is exactly why I want you to stay where you are and...”

“The fuck I am Steve! He just made this personal same as _Loki_! That nut job took my best friend I will not stay here and let him do whatever with her!”

“Please, just stay here do Steve the favor.” Bucky mumbled looking me dead in the eye. Of course they wanted me to stay but Steve knew as well as me that I'd be on that mission if he liked it or not.

“I'm meeting with Hill and Fury end of discussion.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Coulson and Fury picked us up upon their return form the Theta Protocol Facility which turned out to be a storage and repair facility for a Helicarrier. There were two more Agents with them, Callen and Klein as well as Rhodey. We ended up being kinda late to the battle.

Callen and I volunteered to go kill the bogie that went through the lower glass paneling of the carrier. We were without communication and as far as I was concerned the battle was still raging on when the automatic door opened. I could hear footsteps. Agent Callen and I were pressed against the wall. "You stay here." I hissed drawing my gun from my thigh holster. Turing the safety off, I snuck to the corner and into the other hallway. The person cast a large shadow onto the metal floor. I moved quickly, gun drawn. "Jesus, don't shoot me." Steve yelped hands up to show he was unarmed.

"Next time, don't sneak around like you're an Ultron drone." I muttered turning the safety back on. "Sorry, I was just worried that you were looking for the bogie with a guy from Tech Support." I pulled him down by the straps of his uniform pressing my lips to his.

“Nice to see you to.” I muttered. While Callen thoroughly judged Captain America for his Tech Support comment. ”Sorry.” Steve said in the Agent's direction. “Well let's get you up on the bridge.”

The bridge was kinda chaotic. Natasha tried to reach the Hulk and return him to Bruce. Clint was being patched up. Wanda was nowhere in sight while Thor and Vision took turns handling Mjolnir. Tony and Rhodey were talking at the conference table. “I had to share a bed with, Rogers. He was snoring all night.” Stark elaborated loudly. “And you were mumbling half the time keeping me from falling asleep.” Steve mentioned in passing.

“Nick we need to work out a way to... Oh, hi.” Coulson said quietly. Hand frozen mid air, half way to the screen of his tablet.

“WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!” Thor bellowed.

“No sorcery. Just alien blood, Kree to be exact. I wouldn't recommend it.” The other Avengers looked shocked, surprised but in the end they all seemed to be relived that he was alive.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

After the battle of Sokovia Tony was constantly on talk shows like GMA, The Tonight Show, Ellen you name it. Pepper had ordered the PR to polish the Avenger's image after technically destroying an entire city. In his spare time he oversaw the conversion of his fathers old storage facility in Upstate New York into a new Avengers Base. Which he started to plan long before the battle.

With him being Tony Stark it was done with in a few months of the Ultron battle. Clint had retired right after they got home. Tony contemplated for a while before he decided to call it quits too. Bruce was still missing and with Thor returning to Asgard to find out more about the gems the Avengers were down to two.

Steve and Nat started to look for new recruits as soon as Clint mentioned retirement. The new roster consisted of Sam, Vision, Wanda and Rhodey. 'Cause there are no Avengers without a man in a can.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Fury cleared his throat. “You kids want to be S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents or in a S.T.R.I.K.E. Team some of you might even want to ascend to the rank of an Avenger but I'm here to crush your dreams of that. You're here to train to be an Agent if you're not happy with that there is the fucking door.”

“That was a lovely speech Nick.” Coulson whispered next to him. “Anyway,” He continued now louder. “Agent Harris and Sergeant Barnes will train you. Again whoever should think he his above our organization has the option to leave right now. But if you do you'll have to undergo the T.A.H.I.T.I. Protocol. It was part of the agreement when you singed up.” Bucky stood at ease. I was in a similar position with one arm at my side and the other laying on my lower back clasping my wrist.

“I'd rather Captain America and Black Widow train me hell I'd even take Hawkeye.” One of the recruits said. It was pretty foolish of him but still he kept running his mouth. I didn't mind that he hadn't recognized who I was. Hardly anybody did nowadays. But Bucky minded even though his hair was short again and he wore a black thermal. His left hand had been visible when he walked in before but the idiot hadn't seen it.

“Your decision.” He said shoving his sleeves up. The room was fairly silent so the quiet shifting of the metal plating echoed through the first rows. A low whisper went through the crowd. “ _Winter Soldier_.” Every one of them seemed to echo the next.

“Great but who is she.” The guy asked seemingly unimpressed. “You want a resume or does _Frostbite_ help you out enough?”

Very few of the older ones gasped some of them had been CIA or FBI trainees. So they knew. Again a low whisper went through the crowd as some explained the meaning behind Frostbite.

“We'll leave you to it then.” Coulson whispered in my direction.

“Yeah, great thanks.” This was going to be a long day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reasons for Black Widow/Winter Soldier Red Room section [explained](http://captreckless.tumblr.com/post/123312463598/black-widow-winter-soldier-red-room).
> 
> **_Inspiration credits:_  ** ****  
> Tony's[epiphany](http://all-the-marvel-imagines.tumblr.com/post/119249656280/tony-eating-a-bag-of-doritos-next-to-steve). 
> 
> [The History Channel](http://accioeyre.tumblr.com/post/121107335286/americachavez-kehinki-in-the-mcu-the-history).
> 
> Bucky's formal bun inspired by Chris Hemsworth's [bun](https://scdailymakeover.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/hp_chris_h.jpg).
> 
> Bucky's [gravestone](http://ddaredevil.tumblr.com/post/113338796591/somewhere-in-eastern-europe-somewhere-near-where).
> 
> [Wall of Valor](http://avatarquake.tumblr.com/post/120690030554/wall-of-valor).
> 
> [#CoulsonLives](http://captreckless.tumblr.com/post/118190786583/age-of-ultron-post-credit). 


	14. Power & Control

It was late August. Everything was good, great actually. The new Avengers Team worked smoothly. I dare say even smother than the first incarnation. Bucky had recovered amazingly safe from the occasional nightmares he was pretty much back to his former self.

He strongly attributed his swift recovery to Sara but also Steve and Sam. Even Nat with whom he had forged an uneasy truce. I wasn't one to adorn myself with false laurels all I did was rock him back to sleep after a particularly bad dream or hold him when he wasn't feeling like himself.

Training the new recruits for both this base as well as to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D. on a larger scale gave him a sense of purpose as well as a way to put his skills to good use.

The only thing putting a damper on my personal high was that somebody kept sending me footage of Bucky's brainwashing. For the past month there was a new envelope on our doorstep every week. Sometimes it were photos of his mutilated body others of him in cryo-freeze.

This had caused me to dig around the internet for any mention of him in the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. files. In the beginning Steve was against telling Bucky about it but after the second letter he came around to the idea and demanded I keep him updated on everything.

I was navigating the impossibly large Avengers facility. Meandering around Dr. Cho and Selvig's lab. It had an extremely impractical position in the base. "Captain." Steve turned around smiling.

He had been leaning on the glass railing of the gallery, overlooking the entrance way. I peered over the railing noticing Jackson, my _favorite_ recruit of all time, argue with Bucky. "You know you don't have to call me that." I shrugged handing him my tablet.

"Everybody else does. Anyway, I found this encrypted Hydra chat. It's mostly about the Asset. They apparently had a whole manual on him. Seems sick to me."

" _#HailHydra_ I thought the were more evolved than that." Steve said skimming through the text. "Says the guy who uses the word _password_ as his actual password. Don't even get me started on the other poor security choices you've made."

He shot me a look as if to say _shut up_ . “By the way I just got back from the tower. Tony tapped 'mess' over his lab door now. It really is just one gigantic storm of stuff but more importantly he thinks this _Crossbones_ guy could be Rumlow. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you you're a lobster.”

Steve hummed. “There are similarities but he didn't survive the Helicarrier crashing into the Triskelion.” He paused blinking a couple of times. “WHAT?!”

“You know lobsters can come back to live when frozen...” I worried my lower lips for a few seconds before I spoke again,

“Rumlow, he did. Badly burned and all but he survived it I pulled the hospital records. He might be the one sending the packages too. Rumlow's probably plotting some elaborate revenge on you.”

Steve released a swoosh of air. “Honest I wouldn't have minded if he didn't. Is there anything else well except that I need to call Tony?” He asked offering me my tablet back. I kept quiet trying to figure out how to tell him.

"What was it? Inhumans?"

"Yes, kid created a force field and killed a S.W.A.T. Team presumably by accident. Ruined half of his school too." That Terrigen fish oil sure was a pain in the ass. Steve speed walked off towards the briefing room. Paying no mind if I could keep up.

 

We stood in a loose circle around the presentation table in missions control. Everybody was in tactical gear. "Oh, the raccoon guy-liner's back." Natasha teased. Bucky clenched his metal fist at his side.

"It's black camouflage war paint, okay?" Steve shot the two of them a pointed look before he started to explain his rescue plan. When he was done Bucky growled, “I can't believe I agreed to this.”

“For the hundredth time you don't have to come and really all you have to...”

“Look after your reckless ass so you don't get yourself killed, swell.” Natasha and Sam tried to suppress their grins while Vision looked slightly confused. Wanda pretended she hadn't heard anything and Rhodey seemingly had enough of their constant arguing about Steve's safety. I just rolled my eyes at them. “You know that kid could have killed at least another ten people while you were arguing.”

“Right.” Steve said in his Captain America tone of voice and strode out towards the jet.

 

Steve's suave plan had been for nothing. Bucky and I wouldn't have been needed and three Avengers in the air sure as hell had been over kill. Nat, Wanda and Steve on the ground could have handled the situation just fine on their own.

The kid was friendly. His name turned out to be Mason and he didn't think Captain America was cool. He was more impressed by Bucky's metal arm. Like those children when we'd taken a trip to Brooklyn. The school boys had eaten up the bionic limb, fascinated by the sounds it made when he moved it or that he had a red star ringed with faded blue and red sharpie lines on it.

The attention had made Bucky uncomfortable since Steve was right next to him and he was _Captain America_. Mason also thought Sam's wings were cooler than the War Machine armor and bluntly told Rhodey the name was stupid. Not even Vision, a freaking android, fascinated him. “I like you,” He told Natasha. “You're far cooler than all those DC superheroines my friends like to read about.”

She smiled at him thanking the twelve year old. He was a nosy boy. “Are you with these men?” Mason asked pointing at Steve and Bucky. “Why do you ask?”

“You're wearing his shield and the others star.” I looked down at my necklace, I must have forgotten to take it off. Steve nodded enthusiastically as his eyes fell to the necklace my grandmother had sent me as a belated birthday present. Sara and her had moved to Los Angeles since grandma hadn't lived there since the 1960's and wanted to spend her last years there.

Wanda naturally was the most relatable of all to him since she had magic and he had a variation of it. I wished the Warriors weren't busy. Lincoln and Skye could have helped him understand his powers even better. They were like him – inhuman.

 

“So are you any good at ultimate Frisbee?” Mason asked Steve one the ride back to the new Inhumans base. Coulson and Skye had strongly insisted if friendly, confused Inhumans were found they should be taken care of properly, helped and protected. S.H.I.E.L.D. was even more about protection since DC.

Coulson had really brought the organization back to it's roots. Steve didn't answer him. After a while the boy mumbled, “Can I call you Captain Frisbee?” Bucky snorted at the comment.

“He'd get along great with Stark or Scott. He loves his one-liners.” Sam pressed out between laughing fits. “No, you can't call me that.”

“If you scowl any harder you'll turn into Fury, darling.” I said watching his face turn even grimmer.

After dropping Mason off at the base Steve still didn't cheer up. “What's wrong?” Bucky asked quietly. “Tired.” Steve answered curtly.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Steve was laying on the swinging bench on the back porch, face turned towards the garden using Bucky's teddy bear as a pillow. Tony had had the brilliant idea to start production on teddy bears in Howling Commandos uniform, for charity, and he started with Bucky borrowing the pet name Steve liked to use for him.

 _Bucky bear._ He had been given the first one as a gift and had actually kept it. But he didn't pay much mind to it now that he had found the stay kitten. It was entirely black with emerald green eyes. Black was perched on Bucky's chest, purring loudly as he petted her.

“That cat is about as quiet as a lawnmower.” Steve mumbled sleepily. From my spot by the sunflowers I could see her pop open an eyes and sending an angry stare towards Steve.

“She'll never like you if you keep being mean, Steve.” I said as I set the flowers down before I stared to arrange them in the vase. Black curled into a ball on Bucky's chest, resting her head on his collarbone. He carefully rested his chin on the kittens soft fur causing her to snuggled even more into him.

“Hey, little one you think I can borrow my boyfriend for a seconds?” Black made a sound similar to a pigeon. “I think you can.” Bucky mumbled capturing my lips with his. He held me close while also making sure not to squish his kitten. My fingers were twisting into his hair to keep his face close while his hands rested on my butt alternating between massaging and squeezing it.

“Hey, Avery.” A disembodied voice shouted over the hedge. Black dug her claws into Bucky's shoulder. “Ow. заче́м...?“ And then he saw Leia waving through the flowering shrubs. “Боже мой.” Only god knew why she still tried to be friends with me it wasn't like I had a good reputation in town. Maybe being annoying was some sort of sport for her.

“I just wanted to see how you're doing.” Leia said while letting herself in through the back gate. As far as I'd understood she was trying to get me back on my path to god. 'Cause lord to this town I was sinning pretty bad. I mean don't get me wrong I would never pretend murder is okay but a consensual polyamorous relationship?

To me was as good as any other. Not even the fact that one of the men was Captain America was giving me any plus points it made me even more unpopular since I had apparently corrupted him. If at all he had corrupted me and Bucky to an extent. “So did you read the articles I gave you?” Leia asked sweetly.

“No, I was busy working. I think they're at my office anyway.” Yes, the trashcan at my office. She worried her lip before she spoke. “You'll never be forgiven if you don't take the route to redemption.”

I rolled my eyes at her. Firstly, I had my own way of redemption and it wasn't the godly one. Helping was the best I could do and it was the way I could change the world for the better. Secondly, if god is so all forgiving as she said and the way to redemption was showing remorse then I was one a good way even without her pamphlets.

“Leia I told you I'm doing this my way. I appreciate you trying to help but...” I trailed off as I noticed her eyes were entirely focused on a point behind me. Her look was almost hungry as she observed Steve and Bucky kiss. She shook off her trance and said “You know you've broken at least five of the ten commandments.”

“More like eight or nine. Not believing in god would be considered a sin, no?” Leia shrugged then nodded. “FYI, I never made an image of god. That's the only one I never broke.” She was deathly pale. Maybe it hadn't been the best idea to admit to her at I was a grade a candidate for hell. But following her line of sight I noticed it wasn't because of what I said but more due to the fact that the guys were feverishly making out.

“I see why you're with them.” She whispered then turned around an hurried away. I clapped my hands as soon as she was out of sight. “Guys, you can call off the show.” The two broke apart. “She liked it didn't she?” Steve asked and amused grin plastered on his face.

“I felt her stare on the back of my head Steve. I'm sure we just corrupted one of gods angles.” Steve leaned back still grinning like a fool.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

"Why us?" Steve asked with raised eyebrows. He was absentmindedly browsing through some mission-reports he was probably supposed to hand in last week.

"One of them can shapeshift, you know like _METAMORPHOSIS_ , and the other has magic. So Coulson thought Wanda could be useful or you know an elite team specially trained for that sort of thing. I don't know _Steve_." I said in an exasperated tone.

"Calm down. We'll check it out." He sighed looking off in the distance before he sat this papers down. "You and Buck could come along." Steve offered.

"Nah, we have to train on of the counter terrorist S.T.R.I.K.E. teams. Zeta I think it was. Huh... I'm sure Bucky remembers." I walked off toward the training room when Steve yelled after me. "You know we could always use S.T.R.I.K.E. team Alpha." I turned around watching him stand in the doorway to his office.

"And here I thought Alpha was synonymous with Avengers and Bucky and I were just lame old Beta. Damn those are the Secret Warriors. We're just Gamma then." I was halfway around the corner when I turned again. “I bet you. Skye, Lincoln and Mike would gladly come along.”

Steve just shrugged walking off in the other direction.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not mean to offend anybody this is just my personal opinion of religion.  
>  **Inspiration Credits:**  
> [ ~~Lab~~ Mess](http://cptnstevens.tumblr.com/post/115309895486/howlingsoldier-and-ive-got-a-date-with-a-private)  
> [Steve the Lobster](http://devriot.tumblr.com/post/96278134049/my-dick-is-a-metaphor-tony-stark-voice-steve)  
> [Kids](http://raven-of-jotunheim.tumblr.com/post/119527481337)  
>  **Translations:**  
>  заче́м: why  
> Боже мой: oh my god


	15. Never Grow Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential Ant-Man Spoiler ahead btw. one of the best Marvel movies out there.

“I want to know who's in charge here! I want to talk to an Avenger!” The man yelled. I hurried over to him. “Agent Avery Harris. I'm pretty much an Avenger, at your service.” His nostrils flared. “Don't get cute with me, girl. I want to talk to this illusive Captain America.” He was gesticulating wildly, his face now a deep shade of purplish-red.

I assumed he was a reporter of some sort since he surely wasn't with the military and hopefully not with the government. “Sir, I have to ask you to calm down.” Agent Lynch mumbled trying to quiet the large man. “I demand to speak with Captain Rogers this instance!” He shouted at her face.

“Well, you're out of luck, pal.” Bucky cut in taking the man by the arm and dragging him towards the front door. “He isn't here so I'll have to politely ask you to leave the premises and never return uninvited.” He shoved him through the glass door letting security take it from there.

“That was the third time this week alone.” Bucky uttered stalking towards the gym. I followed him. “Who was that guy ?” He kept quiet as he pushed through the doors. “Some measly reporter who wants to do a story on me and since I said no several times he thinks maybe Steve will give him something to write about.” I nodded trotting after him.

We had another training session with some long term recruitments Coulson had made during his time as Director. “Honey.” Bucky froze shoulders rigid. He turned slowly a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You asking me to take you in the supply closet again, sugar?” His voice was just above a whisper.

“Slow down tiger. Actually I wanted to ask what I could do to get your mind of that reporter.” Bucky pretended to think for a little. “Mythbusters? Maybe some other sciency stuff you know that's my deal.” I smiled before I pulled him down into a kiss. He lifted me up almost immediately.

“The supply closet sound pretty swell, though.” Bucky mumbled into my hair. I hummed. “Work first then we can watch some Science of Stupid or hook up whatever you wanna do after.”

 

The gym looked deserted once we walked in. The five guys were nowhere to be seen. Bucky grumbled that he'll kick their asses out of the locker room since he had better things to do than wait for people to show up on time. While he disappeared I bandaged my hands. After that fiasco of scraping the skin of my knuckles on Bucky's metal arm I had made it a habit. I gave the nearest boxing bag a few punches to test if they were wrapped well.

“I still can't believe we have such a knockout instructor. She's a 10/10 in my books. No wonder Captain Stoic and Sergeant Uptight have a thing going with her.” One of the guys from the S.T.R.I.K.E. team said. Two more laughed. “But is she only a slut for super-soldiers? I wouldn't say no if she offered.” The fourth one said.

“You're sick Brighton. She's their fucking girlfriend and just cause she's with two guys doesn't make her a slut. I bet Cap and his Sarge bang too.” The last, Colin, uttered. The first one spoke again, “Still a knockout tough.” Just as they rounded the corner. Rivers who had apparently been the last one speaking swallowed hard.

“I'm sorry Agent Harris. I didn't mean to...” I cut him off with a wave of my hand. Out of my peripherals I could see Bucky approaching. “It's fine, it always get's me all riled up when somebody calls me a knockout.” I mused seductively.

Bucky leaned in the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. Rives breathed out a _whoa_. He was leaning in closer now, a as he seemed to think flirty smile on his face. “In that kinda way.” I said giving him a nice hard punch to the jaw. Bucky laughed before he found his composure again. “Brighton, Rivers be glad I'm feeling nice today or I'll do the same for disrespecting a superior officer. Now give me a hundred push ups and you two idiots can do double.”

Bucky went rough on them. Usually he didn't take that kind of advantage of his added strength or his arm for that matter. Maybe he enjoyed going rough on them but he surely wasn't showing it. All five men were bruised and scraped after they finished up their training.

“Wanna go another round, princess?” I looked up at him, he had his right hand extended towards me. “Nah, I think I'm good.” Bucky pulled me to my feet. His eyes asked a lot of questions one's he never said out loud except in Steve's presence. _What was it like?_ That had always seemed to be the most prominent question on his mind. The same was true for Steve, he wanted to know, wanted to understand what his best guy, as he liked to call Bucky sometimes, went through.

I had told them before how Hydra trains people. You fight or you die but if you take the third option to comply you've won. You get a chance to leave the base and do their dirty work.

➵ ➵ ➵ **2008 ➵** **➵** **➵**

I had given up the fight two weeks in. A large hunting knife was buried in my lower stomach, right next to my hipbone. A dark haired man sat down next to me, I assumed he was a doctor. “I'd really hate to see you die. But alas you only have two options...” He trailed of showing me a syringe filled with a dark purplish liquid.

He had a heavy french accent. “You know, I never thought I'd ever meet you. Your mother said you lack conviction.” He talked so quietly, almost just to himself. “Oh, my name is Malik by the way and I'm here to make you an offer. I guess you know you'll die with that kind of a wound?” I nodded, I wasn't stupid. This lot wouldn't treat me.

“The contents of this vial will heal you. Make you more durable, stronger, faster. But you'll have to do something for me first. Promise me you'll proof them wrong. You're strong and what you might lack in conviction when it comes to killing you make up with compassion.”

“Dr. Adamal.” Somebody yelled outside the door. “Promise me, you'll be the best of them all and when the chance comes you can free them and yourself.” I stared at him for a long time. Malik wanted me to kill in order to safe others. He was handsome, with his sparkling green eyes, night black hair and his tan skin.

“Why do you care?” I asked. The doctor gave a small smile. “I'm not like your mother and I'm glad you aren't either. I in fact care about others, not just my most prized experiment.” He sighed.

“I've been here for at least fifteen years. I'm a biochemist, you know. My job was to work my way around the serum, understand it and enhance _him_. All I could bring myself to do was recreate a weaker version of it. I, I couldn't cause this man more pain as he already had to endure.” Malik stared of in the distance for a minute as if to picture Bucky in cryo-freeze.

“You met him didn't you? If you say yes you can be the only one to... to for lack of better wording carry him in you. There is only one Russian girl that would have a similar serum to you. Maybe the same.” He was talking about Natasha but then I didn't know that. Had no idea the Black Widow even existed.

“Then, yes. I'll do it.” It was foolish and Malik hadn't told me all other experiments with the serum had failed. I never knew that Bucky was already a surprising success in Zola's books or that I might have died of the serums effects on my DNA.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“What are you thinking about?” Bucky asked his fingers laced with mine. “Malik.” I answered shortly. He stopped in his tracks and pulled me against his chest. “Your father you mean.” My _father_. After I told Bucky and Steve about him they had Dr. Cho ran a DNA test. Well actually it was mostly Bucky since he remembered him and told Steve how similar in looks I was to the doctor.

“Let's talk about something else.” I suggested. He hummed starting to walk again. “I'm still a fugitive, I'm irredeemable. I killed a president and I'm no Avenger.” Bucky blurted out. I was about to say something but he held up his hand as a signal that he wasn't done.

“This place, it keeps me save but do you really think Tony wants me here since he found out I killed Howard and Maria? He tolerates me because Steve would kill the guy if he handed me over to the government. Hell you'd probably help him." 

He sighed heavily.

“Being an Avenger in the wider sense gives me a kind of immunity but in the end I'm not free. I'll never be, not until they put me on trail and I'm proven innocent.” I wasn't happy about this turn of events. Bucky could be just as stubborn as Steve and he wanted to be free even on the off chance that he would end up in prison for the murder of two dozen people.

“Bucky...” I started but he cut me off. “You've been part of S.H.I.E.L.D. it was never publicly announced that you are that notorious killer assumed to be French. That file didn't exist digitally just a file number. I'm sure that file got misplaced after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “All the recruits that didn't make it they... All they remember is that they trained to be part of the rebuilding process. They don't even know where the facility is anymore.” We walk the rest of the way in silence. He was right but, turning himself in. If he ended up in prison, Steve would forget himself. He'd start a war another _Civil War_ if he had to.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

"What do you mean they got shrunk, Coulson?! Ant-Man shrunk or?" I basically yelled. Maybe Dr. Pym was willing to return the Avengers to full height had they been turned ant-sized. But then again he sent Scott to break into the facility and steal something back so he could blow shit up.

It wasn't something that was often talked about especially not since Steve had given Sam a hard time for being beaten up by an ant. Even though Sam had tried to keep it a secret a new recruit had babbled on about how weird it had been to watch the Falcon crashing to the ground and then seeing some guy in a red suit pop up and disappear again.

"How the fucking hell did that even happen?" Fury outmatched me. Bucky calmly stayed at the door observing the shouting match. "Well that magical one turned every body into children but me." Wanda offered in a small voice. "Children?" Bucky echoed her.

"Yes, children." Coulson clarified, tapping at his tablet.

The door to the conference room opened and in strode a nine or ten year old blonde boy with a red haired girl a quarter of his age holding his hand. Agent Klein followed them cradling a new born Vision in his arms. A five maybe six year old Sam clung onto his pent leg. "Oh, _hell_ NO! I ain't taking care of those little brats." Fury growled. "Can't you reverse it?" He asked Wanda almost politely.

"No." She answered eyes solely focused on baby Vision. She looked like she was itching to hold the little guy while Bucky observed Steve probably feeling a sense of déjà-vu. Steve was still very muscular for a boy his age and probably much taller as he had originally been. He let go of Natasha's hand and walked towards his friend. "Bucky." He whinnied hugging the man's torso. Stunned Bucky wrapped his arms around the boy cuddling him.

Nat scrambled towards me as Fury rose from his chair. "This is fucking fantastic. Most of my _best_ response team has been turned into kids and the one with magic can't reverse it!"

"You said a bad word." Sam mumbled wearily observing the Director. Fury sighed loudly falling back into his seat. "I can have my team cover and Wanda if you want you can join. I'm sure Skye, _Daisy_ , will have no problem with it." Coulson offered.

"I don't care, talk to Hill. Just get out! All of you." Fury grumbled showing everybody out. I picked Natasha up resting her on my hip. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and started to play with my necklace.

“Stevie,” Bucky started then trailed off. “Can I please have cocoa?” Steve basically moaned.

“I also really wanna play video games right now.” He continued.

Bucky rose an eyebrow at him. “Firstly we need to get you some proper clothes. You're almost tripping over your jeans and Nat and Sam aren't even wearing pants.” Wanda was rocking Vision in her arms, cooing at the baby every so often.

“I already arranged for them to get new clothes. They should be here any minute now.” Coulson said pulling Sam along with him. “Okay, so how come...” Cameron looked over at me as if he already knew my question. “We told them. Steve about Bucky, Natasha about you and Sam well he seemed to like Agent Coulson the moment he saw him but he was actually supposed to be you know viewing either of you as his potential parent.”

“In case you can't reverse it?” I asked blindly reaching for Bucky's bionic hand. “Yes. But we are currently in contact with Stephen Strange and although this is not really his expertise Dr. Pym since Mr. Stark is currently unavailable.”

“To sum up our only hope if Doctor Strange the freaking, Sorcerer Supreme, can't or wont help is Ant-Man 1.0 because Tony is currently on Capitol Hill again???”

“You mean he's as good as in prison for creating a threat that almost destroyed the world.” Bucky corrected. Coulson sighed and shook his head. Truthfully Bucky was right Tony had one foot in a maximum security prison since he created Ultron. “Let's just hope we wont need Hank he has his differences with S.H.I.E.L.D. _and_ the Avengers for that matter.”

Doctor Strange called in the late afternoon. He was willing to help the Avengers if he could ask them for a favor whenever he should need it. Fury reluctantly agreed to his terms and insisted this mess was cleared up by the next day.

The kids were running around the looker room while I talked to Coulson. “We can take them to our place.” I mumbled while waiting for Phil to look less dressy. “We're out of food though. Steve was meant to go shopping this evening.” Bucky commented as he tried to pry Natasha off of him.

“Do you think I could pass as Avery's father?” Coulson asked.

“Why my father? Why not Bucky's?” The older Agent sighed. “Mr. Barnes is what, thirty two? I would have been a very young father. I'm only eighteen years older. Avery, you're twenty-six which means I would have been in my mid-twenties, average dad age.”

“You're telling me that I'll be Steve's father no? Really Coulson we doing this undercover?” Bucky muttered. Phil emerged dressed in a horrible Hawaii shirt and beige jeans. I couldn't suppress the shocked gasp as I saw the wild pattern. “Too much?”

I nodded hectically . “Then it's spot on. Fury wants us to handle this discreetly so we'll be taking a family trip down to Georgia. We have a nice cozy safe house there.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Bucky was anything but happy about this arrangement. He was probably cursing Fury. Steve stuck by him while we were buying supplies for the next day or two depending on when Strange would show up. Natasha was usually at his side too or she followed Phil and Sam around but right now she whinnied that she wanted to be picked up. I lifted her into my arms while I looked for my favorite tea.

From the other isle I heard a woman say. “Your son is such a gentleman.”

“Thank you ma'am.” Bucky answered right when I rounded the corner with Nat. I dropped the tea in the shopping cart and observed the elderly woman. Her eyes went from Bucky's left hand, which he hid in his pocket, to my left as if to check for rings and then to Natasha.

“Your wife?” She asked. Bucky shook his head eyes more focused on Steve and Sam looking at candy. “Girlfriend.” The woman nodded. She probably only asked since I was wearing two rings that looked enough like an engagement ring and a wedding band to actually be married to Bucky.

“Ah there you are. I was looking all over for you two boy's.” Coulson playfully scolded. The older lady rose an eyebrow. “My father.” I answered as I followed her gaze. Natasha squirmed in my arms and I sat her down so she could be with the boys.

Steve looked down at her placing his hand on her head and tousled her hair. “Phil,” Bucky started. “Can you keep an eye on the kids for a second we forgot the milk.” He hurried around the corner pulling me with him. “Is it about Natasha?!” I hissed once we were in front of the dairy section. He nodded.

“I can't handle seeing her as a fucking three year old.” He uttered voice as low as possible.

“I know I promised not to ask what it was between you and her Bu... _-t_ James.” Bucky shot me a weird look but then noticed the woman next to him. He dragged me to the ice cream section for some privacy.

“Well... I trained her for a bit and she felt reckless or something, we were alone in one of the large training rooms and I was explaining a weapon or something like that.” He broke off again.

“Did you, did you _sleep_ with her?”

“What kind of a douche bag do you think I am? She was sixteen. It was just.... All of a sudden Nat crowed me into the wall and started to kiss me. I was so surprised and confused I kissed back. When I regained my senses well as good as I could in that state. I pushed her away and ran out. She tried more than once though.”

I let it sink in. “Nat used to say love is for children.” I murmured more to myself. “Another thing you can blame on me. Anyway her trainers found out and sent me back where I came from. Next time I came to I wasn't in Russia anymore, I was sent to get you.”

I nodded wrapping my arms around his waist. He quickly slipped his left hand into the back pocket of my jeans.

 ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

“Strange will be here tomorrow afternoon at the latest.” Coulson said after he hung up the phone. “The sooner the better.” Bucky muttered chasing Sam and Natasha around the room. He had been trying to get them into their beds for more than half an hour. “Up you go.” I smiled snatching Nat up in my arms. Bucky finally managed to catch Sam, he threw him over his shoulder and walked up the stairs.

Steve sat on his makeshift bed reading a book. He barely acknowledged either one of us entering. “I'll read them a story.” He commented proudly when we sat the other two kids down. Bucky nodded kissing him on the forehead. “Gross.” Natasha squealed instantly.

“Hmhm." Bucky hummed giving her a pointed look. I smiled saying goodnight and leaving with him in tow.

“I'm exhausted.” Bucky said, voice muffled by the covers. He had dropped face first onto the bed right after saying goodnight to Phil. “You might wanna changed.” I suggested while slipping my pajama top on.

“Mhmm.”

I laughed as I saw him cuddle deeper into the pillows instead of getting up. “Babe, at least the jeans.” He rolled onto his back, eyes still closed making no move to undo them. I climbed atop of him quickly undoing his belt followed by the button and zipper.

“That's hot.” He mumbled sleepily, hands resting on the back of my thighs slowly inching up.

“And that's silk.” All the sleepiness had disappeared from his voice and his bluish-gray eyes were wide. Bucky drank in the navy blue pajama set. His right hand moved to the neckline of the tank top, tracing along the lace border. He let it glide down my front making sure that his fingers ghosted over my breast.

“Fuck.” He breathed carefully pulling me down to face him. His warm breath fanned over my face before he kissed me passionately. I placed my left hand on his cheek while my right steadily massaged his pecs. Bucky was quick to guide it down to his crotch, giving it a soft squeeze. My hand swiftly slipped under the fabric of his jeans, applying pressure.

Bucky's jeans were on the floor in no time and I had my hand down his underwear while he was hungrily mouthing at my chest. A loud but hesitant knock made him stop in his tracks. “What is it?” He half growled. The door was cracked open and Steve poked his head in.

“I can't sleep can I stay with you?” The room was silent for a minute and then Bucky nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed the at your service scene form [here](http://ddeadpools.tumblr.com/post/118228685432).


	16. Don't Say Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death, that's it. Lines and all that jazz as always.

“I'm just gonna take a shower, princess.” Bucky whispered and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I nodded cuddling deeper into the soft sheets. I could hear faint voices from downstairs but decided to ignore them in favor of going back to sleep. I fell asleep again soon after Bucky left for the bathroom. I didn't dream anything, instead pale images of thoughts ghosted over my eyelids. Really I was dozing more than actually sleeping.

“Babe? Have you seen Bucky?” I was groggy, confused and a headache started to pound in my head a clear sign that I had slept too long. “What do you mean? Wait you're an adult again.” I mumbled towards Steve who stood in the door frame.

“Yeah, Doctor Strange returned us to our normal selves. Coulson said Buck grabbed a shower a few hours ago but now he's gone.” I shrugged, trying to get my brain to function normally again. A few minutes passed before I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. There was a note, like I'd expected.

_I'm so sorry._

Was scrawled over the small piece of paper. My face dropped, he was gone. Bucky was _gone_.

He must have climbed out the bathroom window as soon as he was sure all of them were busy with turning back Steve, Sam and Natasha or in my case sleeping.

Steve looked ready to kill Bucky. He was doing it for us, Steve and me. At least that was what I told myself. Probably so we don't have to be with a fugitive.

_What if he ends up in prison? No, he won't. The Commander said... Williams said it's thin evidence and Bucky was brainwashed. They wouldn't would they?_

As soon as he had reached the highway, his next stop must have been the nearest police station. Fuck, this was insane. But it was the only way to be free and Bucky wanted to be free above all.

“Guys, you should check the news.” Sam yelled from below.

Steve and I bounded down the stairs. Sam, Natasha and Phil were silently watching WHiH World News. Christine Everhart was reporting on the shocking events from a few hours ago. “The assassin know as the Winter Soldier has been captured and will be trailed at Capitol Hill this following Monday.”

Blurry cell phone videos of the highway fight between Steve and Bucky were shown while she spoke. “Follow us online for more news on the fallen war hero and Howling Commando Sergeant Barnes.”

“It's all over the news.” Sam said.

“He turned himself in. They'll lock him up till the end of his days.” I whispered back.

“I need to get him out.” Steve grunted. I looked up at him.

“You can't. He had immunity when he was with the Avengers Initiative. S.H.I.E.L.D. was able to protect him this long but he wanted his name cleared. I think he had it all planned out. He would have gone and done it no matter what.”

Steve gritted his teeth. “Fine then I need to get to Washington.”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

A guard brought him into the interrogation room Steve and I were waiting in. Bucky was clad in an orange jumpsuit, his hair tied back into a ponytail but he wasn't chained up like the other prisoner. They weren't scared he'd try to run, he came out of his free will.

“How could you do that to me?” Steve basically yelled.

“Steve.” I hissed. Bucky didn't say anything. It was apparent that Steve was broken. His posture was slumped and he looked exhausted. I had told Bucky a while ago that Steve had been ignoring his own wants and need for the longest time and now that he stopped he had gotten his heart broken. By the one person he loved most.

The chasm between them was so wide and deep it was impossible to bridge at least at this moment. “Say something.” Steve insisted. Bucky simply stood up and went to the guard who had brought him here. “Bucky...” His voice was shaky. I sucked in a breath and slowly let it out again.

“I'm sorry.”

I'm sorry, was all he said. _I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry._ Sorry wouldn't cut it, not for Steve not even for me and I understood why he did it. Steve looked like somebody cut his heart out. He was angry and devastated all at the same time. Out side of the prison gate he broke down. Steve punched the van multiple times, denting the metal.

He didn't stop until his fist went straight through the window of the back seat. Long jagged cuts went up from his knuckles to his forearm. A steady stream of blood trickling down is fingers and drip dropping onto the pavement.

“For the love of god, Steve.” I shouted pulling my shirt of and wrapping it around his hand.

“I need to get him out.” He mumbled sounding like a mad man.

“No, no, no and NO! Steve, you can't get him out of a max security prison! They'll catch you and lock you both up! You know what? Then his chances of freedom and __yours__ are gone.”

“I'll get him out!” He said again this time more firmly. I shoved him against the car, glass crumbling below my combat boots.

“NO!”

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Steve didn't try to get Bucky out of prison. Well he did try but I managed to stop him both times. He was at every hearing though. Sulking in the corner with Sam as his moral support while I mostly just visited Bucky in prison. More often than not just sitting opposite him, holding his hand and enjoying the silence together.

Today the verdict would be spoken. The news had been all over the place trying to get interviews from anybody close to the Avengers or Bucky. Fury had banned all employees from making statements and the few that did it anyway were sent to go though the T.A.H.I.T.I. Protocol.

“The jury has decided.” The senator made a pause for dramatic effect. Why the hell did everybody feel the need to be so dramatic?

“ _Not guilty.”_

Steve sighed in relief. I went in for a tight hug, pressing a quick kiss to his neck. We hurried to Bucky whom I enveloped in a bone crushing hug. He was crying. I placed my hands on either side of his cheeks wiping away the tears.

“You're free, baby.” Bucky nodded pulling me in for a heated kiss.

The way out of court was difficult since reporters from all over crowed the exit. Steve was walking next to Bucky holding his hand tightly. Aside from the large crowd it seemed like any ordinary day. On the outskirts of the crowd stood a man in a dark hooded sweater, his face was almost completely covered. “I'm sorry, miss just one question.” The man said pulling me a little to the side.

* * *

 

The crowd swallowed us within seconds. “Sorry, sir but...” I could feel the gun he pressed to my abdomen. He pulled the trigger once, twice, three times, I lost count as I felt the blood gushing out. He was holding me close like a lover until he had almost emptied the mag into me.

“Rumlow.” I whispered as he dropped me to the ground. His face was badly burned but I still recognized him. “An eye for an eye.” Rumlow said coldly. A woman next to me screeched at the sight of the blood.

I chocked up blood. Steve knelt next to me his hands pressing on the wounds. “Rumlow...” I breathed out weakly. Bucky supported my neck with his human hand. “Hang on, doll.” He mumbled holding back a strangled cry. Steve's eyes were closed as if he couldn't bare the sight of blood, _my_ blood.

* * *

 

I reached up to touch his cheek on last time leaving a trail of blood behind. “I love you.”

➵ ➵ ➵ **Steve** **'s POV➵** ➵ ➵

I broke down as soon as her hand dropped form my cheek. All I could do was sob, pressing my bloodied hands to my face.

➵ ➵ ➵ **2012** **➵** ➵ ➵

“Hey Brooklyn boy,” She said jumping me from behind to kiss my cheek. One of these days she was gonna throw us both of balance.

“Avery.” I smiled while I tried to wipe her dark lipstick off. Avery rolled her eyes at me. She leaned against the sliding door to the hotel balcony obscuring my view of the city. Her black jeans were utterly destroyed but her dark green pullover seemed to be fine. My eyes wandered to her steel-capped knee high boots, I knew from experience that it hurt like hell if she kicked somebody with them. Ava's black hair fell just past her shoulder.

“Steve, you're staring.” I could feel the blush creeping up from below my t-shirt. “Do you wanna go to the gym?” I mumbled trying to change the topic.

“Sure with a sparing partner as handsome as you.” If it was possible I bushed an even darker shade of red. She smiled widely making sure I noticed she wasn't hitting on me although she seemed dead serious about it the fact that I was handsome. Avery whipped her head around at the gagging sound coming from the door.

“If you're just a slut for Cap you might want to resign, Harris.” Brock almost growled.

“And there I hoped you finally broke your neck, Rumlow.” She said rolling her eyes at him then stepped closer to me.

With a shrug Avery got on her tip toes, sliding her hand up my shoulder as if she was to hug me. It was too late once I noticed what she was actually doing. Her slim, pale fingers curled around my collar briefly. It was fleeting just like the kiss she pressed to my lips.

Afterwards I was stunned how somebody could convey such passion in such a short moment. Her fingertips trailed down the center of my chest, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She left me standing in the center of the room. On her way out Avery knocked her shoulder into Brock's chest.

“It's these things that convince me that you are the worst Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Right back at ya.” Avery countered walking backwards to see his angry face.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I clung to the memory of her until Bucky shook me from my daze. I felt two arms warp around my shoulder, one metal the other flesh. Stubble scratching my cheek. She was just lying there lifeless and covered in blood. I buried my face in the crook of Bucky's neck.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

I stared at her gravestone.

**Avery Jade Harris**

**1989 – 2015**

Bucky stood next to me his fingers laced with mine. We each had a pink rose in hand, her favorite.

I tired my hardest not to think about Ava sitting in one of the compartments of the express train we had infiltrated together just a year ago. Tucked away in the far corner by the window, head buried in a history book paying no mind to me outside the glass door until she turned the page.

She sent a soft smile my way then went back to her book.

I pressed my eyes shut trying to think of anything but her. A tear rolled down my cheek. After a few seconds of ineffectively trying to push down the memory of her having to leave my team I gave up, letting all my memories of her flood my brain.

 


End file.
